Monday, May 31, 2010

My Life is Over, I Want my dad to Die, Most Important Changes of my Life

Hey guys, I have more to say than really can be said. Right now I’m sitting in a hotel room with my mom and I spent last night on Sam’s bedroom floor at sobbing my eyes out. But I will catch you up on the past few days... when things were still good.
I went shopping with Steph ant it was AMAZING! Shopping completes the gay boys soul... at least this one. I spent $144.66, which is about what i wanted to. I got a Lady Gaga bracelet, some epically Gaga-ish sun glasses, a Lady Gaga shirt, 2 graphic tees, two V-necks tees, 2 pair of pants and a couple pins, none of the 2 stick men holding hands and then one that says " lets get one thing straight, I'm not." It was such a good time and I couldn’t have been happier, except if i was able to spend more money.

The sleepover at my house was fun, although one unnamed guest was a TOTAL buzz kill and caused a lot of problems for all of us. But overall i still had a very good time

I did not go the rave, because it cost $20, and I’m broke, and I was too tired for the after parties...

My friends grad party was awesome! I got wasted and had a great time with everyone there! John was there and really cute and i met a few other people who are pretty cool.

During all of that I had a days long epic fight with IttyK. We are okay now, but i was sure our friendship was gonna be over.. I have so much to say on this, but i have so much worse shit going on in my life.


OK, SO HERE IS THE BIG PART. THE OTHER DAY I WENT TO PLAY BASEBALL WITH MY NEIGHBORS AND HAD ABOUT THE BEST TIME EVER, ESPICALLY WITH LUIS THERE. WHILE I WAS GONE MY DAD DECIDED TO FIX THE LEAKY SHOWER IN THE BATHROOM. TO DO SO HE HA TO SHUT OFF THE WATER AND ENDED UP BREAKING A VALVE AND CUT UP HIS HAND AND SHIT. HE NEVER CALLED ANYONE, SO WHEN MY MOM CALLED HIM TO CHECK IN SHE ENDED UP NEEDING TO CALL A PLUMBER.
THE WHOLE THING STRESSED HIM OUT AND AS I PREDICTED, HE STARTED DRINKING AGAIN. MY MOM WAS MADDER AT HIM THEN EVER, AND WAS PLANING ON LEAVING FOR THE NIGHT. LAST NIGHT I DECIDED TO SLEEP OVER AT A FRIENDS CUZ I DIDNT WANNA DEAL WITH EVERYTHING, AND BEFORE WE WENT NIGHT SWIMMING AT JORDANS. HE HAS A NICE BODY.
THIS MORNING I CAME HOME AND BASICALLY JUST WALKED AROUND CUZ MY MOM WAS IN MY ROOM NAPING. MY DAD GOT UP AND WAS EATING. HE WAS LEAVING THE PLACE A MESS AND LEAVING STUFF OPEN. SO I WENT INTO THE KITCHEN AND WAS CLOSING STUFF. IT WAS GETTING HARDER TO BREATH AND I WAS GETTING MORE AND MORE AND MORE PISSED AND SLAMED THE PANTRY DOOR.
HE TURNS TO ME AND COMES AT ME AND WAS LIKE "DO YOU HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM?" AND IM LIKE SOBBING AND IM LIKE "YEAH, I DONT WANNA DO THIS AGAIN!" AND WE KEEP SHOUTING AND HES COMING AT ME AND GETTING IN MY FACE AND I DONT REMEMBER THE WHOLE CONTENT BUT I WAS LIKE, "I SHOULD KILL YOU, YOU FUCKING LUNITIC!" AND HES LIKE "PLEASE! DO ME THE FAVOR!" AND TAKES A SWING AT ME THAT I DODGE AND I GRAB SHIT INCASE I HAVE TO FIGHT HIM, JUMP OVER THE COUCH AND RUN OUTSIDE. HE LOCKS ME OUT AND IM FREAKING SO I CALL 911. THE COPS SHOWED UP AND GOT IN THE HOUSE AND START TALKING TO HIM AND AT ONE POINT HE CALLS ME A 'WORTHLESS UNGRATEFUL SHIT-HEAD" AND SAYS HE COULD KICK THE COPS ASSES. I WAKE UP MOM AND SHES READY TO KILL HIM AND FLIPS OUT.

SO NOW WERE GONNA STAY AT A HOTELK AND SOMETIME THIS WEEK WE'LL GO GET ALL OUR STUFF OUT OF THE HOUSE AND MOVE INTO AN APPARTMENT. IM ALSO THINKING ABOUT GETTING ONE OF MY OWN WITH A FRIEND, OR MOVING BACK TO UTAH TO STAY WITH MY GOD MOTHER.
MOM THINKS MY DAD WILL KILL HIMSELF, BUT IM NOT THAT HOPEFUL... IF THINGS WERE TO BE IDEAL HE WOULD DIE AND WE WILL GET LIFE INSURANCE, BUT IM GUESSING HE DOESNT HAVE THE BALLS TO KILL HIMSELF, BUT HERRE IS NOTHING I'D LIKE MORE.

that’s about it I guess. I'll keep you posted on everything though... love you all.
~Anton

9 comments:

  1. Damn, Anton, you are having to deal with a bunch of stuff all of a sudden. I am sorry to hear that all this is going on. Stay strong. I don't see how it can get much worse. I don't know what to hope for, I don't know what is the best way for you out of this mess.

    One thing is for sure: your life is not over. You just need to get through this immediate mess. Things have GOT to get better. I'm just hoping you can muster up the strength to survive all this.

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  2. Good God, kid... I really didn't expect this post... I'm really sorry to hear that this happened and I wish I could give you a big hug right now... I understand the terror you experienced and the humiliation of having the police involved...I was there, a few times, in my younger days, and it really turned my world upside down, for a bit. The 2 duelists (mom & dad) reconciled eventually, but, there was definitely damage in the afterlife at our happy home...

    Right now, Brian is right... You need to get thru the immediate shock, and the distance that your mom is planning, is a good 1st step... Don't hate your father tho... I know that's real hard, right now, but, you don't want that kind of thing on your conscience if something were to happen... I know that you're not religious, but, I hope you don't mind if I put in a good word for you and your mom, anyways... Geezz, Anton, I'm crying now... I really hope that you'll be OK, and you'll feel safe soon!! love you<3<3<3 tman

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  3. Hi there, Anton

    *hugs*

    I think Brian and tman have said everything I was going to.

    *hugs*

    Mark

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  4. Be strong for your Mum. If this is hard for you then it's mega tough for her.

    Make a partnership with her to be positive and friends and deal with this the best way the two of you can. That will help you and your Mum and give you a big say in what happens.


    Please do try to forget the hate you have for your Dad though - it's hard for any of us to see his side of this, isn't it? But I bet he has issues which should have been dealt with too. Maybe one day he'll tell you what they really are.

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  5. Giant hugs!! Ok, big breath, and try to relax. You are going to be just fine. You are out of the house now, and away from him. He wont be able to hurt you again. What ever it takes, make sure you don't live with him again. And if Utah is your only option to make it happen, so be it. Now that schools over, find you a job and start saving up the funds. Why? Just in case your mom decides to go back to your dad, you will have enough money to get to Utah, to have some money for a deposit for an apartment that you can share with friends.... You are not the same little powerless kid you used to be, you are an adult now, and can manage on your own. Yeah, it's too soon maybe, but you can do it! Your strong, your brave, and have tons of friends who will be there for you. Good luck!

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  6. Anton
    You and your Mum just have to get the hell out and stay out. Been there with an alcoholic father and it's total shit, I don't think they ever change.

    If your Mum goes back to him, and that does happen, just stay away it really won't do you any good to get back into that abusive set up.

    Stay strong
    Love
    Mac

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  7. First off, THANKS everyone for the support so far. It helps so much! And I think we will be fine in the long run.
    Tman & Micky, i do hate my dad. When he is drinking or when he is sober, its just something that has been that way for years. I dont care if he dies, and havent for a long time. My mom even said she hopes he offs himself cuz it would make things so much easier. He has fucked things up too many times to be able to love or even like him. I have thought about it a lot, and my conscience will be fine if he does end up dead.
    My mom and I are somewhat close, and I will continue to support her, unless she starts drinking excessivly too... them I'm leaving her as well. But I will stick with her through all of this shit unless she wants to alienate me.
    Biki, I will certainly go back to Utah is she does go back to him, but I really dont think that is probable. I will get a job as soon as I am done with my summer travels, but I will try to do something in between then to make a few bucks.
    Mac, I know he wont change, and if he doesnt kill himself, he will probably go back to California or something, so I dont see ever having to go back to him.
    LOVE YOU ALL!!
    ~Anton

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  8. just checking in, kid... I hope things are a little better today!! luv, tman<3 hugs2

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  9. No word in over a week? We hope you're OK. Huge best wishes.

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