Sunday, February 28, 2010

Friends, Drama, Bleh... (Continued)

Hey. Sorry its been a while, I'm sick and pretty stressed and such, and typing a post just seemed too difficult.
Before I get into the stuff with my friends, I wanna thank Scottie for giving me a shout-out.

It was my mom’s birthday today and we went out to eat. It was pretty relaxing even though I've been feeling like shit. When we were at the restaurant I was reeeally close to coming out to them, but one of my friends I was texting convinced me not to. I don't know if I should have... Our waitress was also pretty cracked out and poured the iced tea all over the table and didn't even notice.

Now I'll start with my out of state friends first. I have been talking A LOT with that one girl friend of mine that I told you about that said she liked me. I have some intense feelings for her too, despite the fact that she has an icky vagina and all. We don’t seem to be making a lot of progress dealing with everything. hmm... oh well.
Elsa is pissing me off. She won’t explain something that I really want to know and feel like I deserve to know cuz it has to do with me. Its unreasonable and mean. And being sick does not help my patients level either. I’m sure it’s not a big deal to her but it’s important to me and idk why she’s being such a bitch.

Now for my friends here. So Dolphin and Turtle officially got back together this week. I was super happy and we all thought things would get back to normal. Wednesday was Peacocks birthday so Rabbit, Dolphin Lion and I ditched school and hung out with him and had fun all day, completely not awkward.

On Thursday Panda and I were at Rabbits house baking cookies for another one of our friends, Tiger, who’s birthday was on Friday. Dolphin went to go spend quality time with Turtle, and Peacock decided to go do homework. We were suspicious that Dolphin and Peacock were secretly together because they would text us at about the same time and then both go 15 minutes or whatever not texting us. Peacock came over eventually and Dolphin arrived about 15 minutes later with some intense sex hair. We were suspicious about the two of them, but we eventually found out that it was Turtle that Dolphin had been with. Peacock Dolphin Rabbit and I went on a walk late at night and had some deep conversations, but everything seemed to be fine.

Friday things began to go to hell. After school Dolphin Lion Rabbit and Peacock all came over for one of our parties. While we were at Subway getting dinner, Turtle was texting me telling how important it is that he can’t lose her, and that he was pissed that Dolphin and Peacock would be spending the night together. I told him that I would let him know if anything happened and that I was on his side. Also at Subway I saw my really cute neighbor who I haven’t seen in weeks. He seems to have changed a lot. Later on Tiger came over, got drunk, and went back home, after kissing everyone and being loud and crazy. Panda and her sister came over and we messed with her head for about an hour until they left. Then we all drank a little, much less then last weekend, and Rabbit and Lion told Dolphin that they would be happy to see her and Peacock together, after she had decided and told us that she was gonna break up with him for the 3rd and final time in a week. Fucking vodka! I blame you!

Saturday came along and we woke up, came in from sleeping in the mud hut, and got the sad news of the Chilean earthquake. Over breakfast Turtle was texting Dolphin and in quite a rage. Throughout the morning she broke up with him and made it clear that they wouldn’t be getting back together after all. The situation was very awkward cuz, on top of Peacock sitting next to her holding her hand through it while still at my house, Turtle was at Dolphins house with her parents, being comforted by Dolphins mom. That night was Peacocks official birthday party. We made pizzas and had this godly cake. It was a double-decker strawberry cake with 2 layers of chocolate frosting and ice cream between the layers of cake and covered in hand made whipped cream and chocolate covered strawberries... OMG! After that we just hung out, and although Dolphin and Peacock never kissed, they were holding hands all night.

Today we didn’t hang out, although there was a late night hike that I was supposedly invited on, but I never got the text that was inviting me. Idk how that went for the rest of them and it kinda made me pissed that there wasn’t a bigger effort to get the whole group involved. Turtle has been texting me as I am typing this talking about how much he needs Dolphin and how amazing she is. He said he is at work crying and wanting to "run away and die." I am worried about Turtle and I am REALLY pissed off about this whole situation and at all of my friends, besides Tiger and Panda who weren’t involved or on my side.

I am really unhappy tonight from a mixture of things.
Anyways, be well.

P.s. I am really liking Ke$ha, even if everyone says she is an untalented cracked-out whore, but this is one of her songs that is actually quite nice and doesn’t really have any explicit sex or drug connotations to it. Many of my readers probably wouldn't like her other stuff, but this one is really good! Enjoy!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

A Contribution: Alfie!!

So while in Atlanta some members of our group had a run in with this very interesting person, I decided to ask one of my friends from the trip to write a peice about him because i could never do the story justice... so here is the story of Alfie:

As many of you readers of this blog may know, Anton just recently went on a Service Trip to the ATL to do some work with the NRN and NSLC. I am a girl from Pennsylvania, and had the great pleasure of meeting Anton. I was asked by him to do what I do best: provide some great comedic relief through a funny story. This however is a special story, this is the Legend of Alfie!

One fine day in the Underground of Atlanta, GA, my friend Alex and I decided to stop and smell the fresh, smoke-filled air. Who else would approach you in a place called the ‘Underground,’ but a cracked-out, black, Hispanic, French, Haitian man named Alfie. After Alfie bummed a cig, he went on to tell us what he was doing in Atlanta. This is what he said (in the time frame of 2 minutes….): Oh yea man, thanks a lot for this cig, here man! So yeas’, me and my wife, y’all we just come on down here from New York City, dude! We lived there for 5 years, but my wife is 6 months pregnant now! She’s having a little baby girl. We figured we would move on down here because it would be cheaper to raise our new baby. When I was born I never met my mom. She died or somthin.’ Imma actually from Haiti. My name, uhh…Alfie, is French though, so I’s actually French. But see here, if ya’ll take a look at my hair (pulls off crazy-ass fucking du-rag, but still has on an old bandana), ya’ll can definitely tell I’s an Indian too. So yea man, my momma brought me from Haiti into South Florida and had me in one of them hospitals there, and then these real nice Caucasian people adopted me. You know, real nice white people! They love adoptin’ them little black, Haitian babies. So anyhow, my wife and I decided that we would move here to have the baby, but now that we can see that our government check is less here, we is never gonna make it. We figure we will actually have the baby in North Carolina, because that is where her, my wife’s, parents live. We are going to leave here in six days…yeupp…(this is on a Monday): Tuesday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday-we is actually leaving in five days now! So yeas……we is gonna have our little baby girl….my wife is 6 months pregnant ya know, and then we are gonna probably just go live on a beach in Miami, Florida. Hey, how would ya’ll nice kids like to buy me and my wife a cup of coffee?.....”The wonderful world of crack is a great blessing…. Hahaha…. Oh Alfie, God Bless you, you crazy mother fucker, where ever you and your pregnant wife are!
<3 Lexie

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Friends, Drama, Bleh...

Hey hey!

So since I got back, drama has pretty much spiraled outta control with my friends...
I will refer to them as Dolphin, Turtle (who is Dolphins boy friend, and really isn't part of our 'group'), Panda, Rabbit, Lion and Peacock (who is the 1 other boy in our group who I like, but is straight. He is also my best guy friend currently).

So I will start on Thursday when I got back to school. I got a really warm welcome back, especially from Rabbit and Panda. This is kinda proof that we are becoming closer cuz they would never react like that in the past. Then they started catching me up on everything that happened while I was gone... There were little things, but the thing that interested all of us the most is that Dolphin and Peacock had started flirting quite a bit, despite Dolphin being with Turtle, but that Dolphin was probably gonna break up with Turtle soon. I thought it was probably just Dolphin being a cock-tease like she does sometimes, but they told me it was different this time.

On Friday school went pretty smoothly and normal, and after it got out me Dolphin, Rabbit and Lion hung out in Target and a few other stores for a few hours until Peacock joined us and Dolphins friend came to buy us 'stuff'. Later everybody, minus Turtle, came over to my house for one of our parties. We were all having a lot of fun, and under the influence of vodka, Dolphin and Peacock started kissing. Panda and I quickly broke them up and right on queue Lion triggered a chain reaction of emotional breakdowns. Dolphin and Panda started crying along with Lion about several things including looks, 'whorishness,' and bad relationships. Rabbit went outside because she felt claustrophobic and needed to throw up... Peacock and I spend about an hour outside with her and during it had a rather deep conversation in which we exchanged some of our deepest darkest secrets. We went back in and he and Dolphin continued to try and hold hands while Panda and I fought them off. It wouldn’t have been such a big deal except that Dolphin was still with Turtle.

We slept about 2 hours and got up and had some sore semi-drunk conversations but things seemed to have died down temporarily. We went back inside around 8 am (we have our parties in a mud hut I made a couple years ago that’s in my back yard) and had breakfast and watched some stuff on YouTube and Hulu until we decided to go back to Rabbits house. While Peacock went home to do chores and Dolphin showered, the rest of us had some intense girl talk about what happened. Later we began work on a YouTube video of our own (which I was gonna post on here, but I look ugly in it and don’t want people seeing it) and it was really awkward during the whole thing, because Dolphin and Peacock kept looking at each other weird and held hands a couple times.

On Sunday I went to go have coffee with an old friend I haven’t seen in like 6 months and we spent a half an hour catching up. It was delightful! Later on Dolphin texted me and said she had broke it off with Turtle, but that night he drove her around and talked a lot, trying to save the relationship (which in all reality he seemed to be neglecting for a while).

Monday Dolphin seemed to be really confused to which one she wanted to be with and kept saying she wanted to be in a double relationship, which neither of the boys would be ok with... She was also kissing Turtle at every chance she got. Rabbit and I had the realization that we really wanted her to stay with Turtle because it would keep our close group of friends from being awkward. Turtle also tried to win me over by buying me a gift that John was supposed to get me ages ago but never did, even though I was already on his side. By the end of the day Dolphin seemed to be pretty convinced that she wanted to stay with Turtle, even if Peacock is the better guy and will have now been turned down by 2 girls in our group (Panda being the other) despite his good looks and great personality.

Today Turtle and Dolphin were officially back together. All of us went to iHop for free pancakes and we went shopping and I got $140 of great new clothes! And some nice cologne. It was a little awkward, but all together good. Tomorrow Peacock turns 18 and we are having a weekend long birthday party for him. I can’t wait and he should like all his gifts, primarily cuz he helped pick them out today! haha

Sorry for this being so long and potentially confusing. I love all of you!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Good bye, Georgia (part 3)

“When I don’t know who I am, I serve you. When I know who I am, I am you"

For me, the best thing, by far, about the trip was the 30 or so people that were there. I went into the trip knowing about 5 of them from other experiences. The other people I met were just as fantastic as always on these sorta things. Some were shy at first and others were very outgoing, verging on annoying at points, but regardless I liked them all in the end. I was somewhere in the middle between outgoing and shy, but in the past I was always incredibly shy. The thing is that in a normal school setting, most of us would NEVER be friends, or even really met. It put me in a new element that forced me to acquire all of these unique friends. They made me cry and laugh so many times in those 6 days, and truly changed me for the better. I change and improve every time I go on these trips and I don’t know if I would even be ‘out’ if it wasn’t for the first NSLC trip…

One specific person I want to acknowledge is the founder of the National Relief Network (NRN) who sponsored us. The NRN is a nonprofit that takes high school and college students out all over the country to disaster zones and it is a great organization. It was founded 20 years ago and since then this man has devoted his life to helping people help others. He is genuine and sweet and I have had the pleasure of working with him twice.

Another person I want to talk about is one of the important people at the top of NSLC and facilitator of many programs, including the service trips. He is charismatic and inspirational and brings these concepts of self empowerment and love with him, and spreads them to those who he is around. Although I don’t agree with everything he says and I can see some flaws in his logic, I respect his accepting nature, his motives, his ability to lead and inspire students and the responses he creates. He, along with the NSLC, have changed me and brought out so many good things about me. I have seen him on both previous trips, but this time I saw him in a new element. I came away with so much more than ever before and I gained so much more respect for him. I had enumerable positive realizations in Georgia.
I was on his radio show "The Gift" on Air America after the New Orleans trip to talk about service, and was invited back on after this trip, but declined due to severe friend drama, which I will talk about in my next post. His charisma has even reached the attention the heads of ABC where he is being considered to host a new education based reality show.
I am not one to buy into EVERYTHING he says like some others do, but he is right about soooo many things. The world should have the opportunity to learn from him, because it would truly make it a better place… Thank you Mr. P!

I also met his unbelievable staff member who is one of the greatest people ever. She told us about running away from her home as a teenager. She is closely involved with the highly publicized and unfair trial of Amanda Knox, the American who was accused with murder in Italy, and has had to deal with publicity and death threats. During the trip was also the anniversary of her being raped by one of her friends. I was touched and amazed by her openness and courage in sharing her life with us. She is so incredibly strong and devotes her life to her students in the NSLC and at her job at the Boys and Girls Club, despite her hardships. So fucking inspirational! I want to be able to be such an amazing person and I look forward to working with the NSLC in the future so I can help kids in the way she does cuz she was an amazing TA.

Southern hospitality is no myth either. I have grown to like the South and many people in it, despite my preconceived notions. They are genuine and polite and a pleasure to be around. It still surprises me to say this because of how much I thought I hated it before I visited it a few times. I still don’t appreciate the ultra-conservative principles and old fashioned thinking of many of them, but overall I enjoy visiting the South.

I met so many other students that I have “unconditional and eternal love for.” People are becoming more and more my reason for living.
You all are crazy/loving/beautiful/sweet/strong/giving /amazing people. You made this one of the best weeks of my life! I had so much fun! THANK YOU!

People can be so beautiful and amazing…

Thursday, February 18, 2010

ATL, GA (part 2)

Hatred and bitterness can never cure the disease of fear; only love can do that. Hatred paralyzes life, love releases it. Hatred confuses life. Love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.” –MLK Jr.

So, here is a brief over view of what we did:
Day 1
Land in Atlanta and spend 4 hours in the airport waiting for people to get there. I am the first one for this and I watch as all these strangers meet up with the person collecting us. We sit around and begin to get to know each other. We get to the place we are staying at and unpack and socialize a bit

Day 2
We have a 2 hour delay because of snow… in Georgia! We played Apples to Apples and get to know each other even better. We then go and start our work on this house. It is just a skeleton of a building. Just a frame and a roof. We begin to insulate it and I have a great moment working with this one girl who helped me finish an entire wall. Then we went over to the church that owns this building for lunch where they made us a great lunch and prayed for us and such, which touched me even though I’m not religious. We also had TA meetings where we shared goals and recognized each other for things. It was good.

Day 3
More insulation work… and we went bowling (I think. It may have been some other night, but it’s all just a blur so I’m not sure when this was, exactly)

Day 4
Last day of work and we finished most of the insulation. Other people also got most of the dry wall up and we had about 30 firefighters (none of whom were very attractive) help us with dry wall. We really put some muscle on the bones of that house. We went back to the lodge that we were staying at and had I fierce dance party, lots of fun! Even though I don’t dance much. We had a long and emotional group meeting and some very personal sharing going on. I came out to all 32 people in the room during this, and it felt good and accepted. We identified 2 girls with trust issues, gave then blindfolds and made a trust ladder with pairs of people holding up sticks at different heights that they had to get through. It was a very intense bonding moment and after it we had a huge group hug and most of us were crying. It was a beautiful experience.

Day 5
This was our last full day together and it was devoted to fun. We went to the MLK memorial/tomb. It was very moving. After that we went to the Atlanta aquarium, which is massive and awesome. It also has several whale sharks and huge manta rays that are simply awe inspiring and terrifying at the same time. AMAZING! We also went to the Atlanta underground mall, which was super ghetto (the maniquins had some serious black girl asses.) and shady, but fun. I am gonna try to get one of my new friends to write a hilarious piece about a guy she met down there… I also got a couple souvenir license plates from this one store that had a whole bunch of them with ghetto black girl names. I got one that says Shameeka (which has a truly great story behind it) and one that says Dick. They are both proudly sitting in the back window of my car now. We went back to the lodge and ate pizza and had a dance off and just hung out. Then we had another very emotional group meeting that consisted of 2 hours of sharing everything we could think of… we could have gone on all night. There were many tears cuz none of us wanted to leave. It was one of the most emotional nights of my life for sure.

Day 6
We woke up, showered, ate breakfast, packed and cleaned. Some people left early, but the rest of us got on the bus and headed to the airport. We all checked in and settled ourselves in the place where we met on the first day. One moving experience was when a hundred soldiers or so made their way through the atrium and everyone in there gave them a loud round of applause. It was very cool. Slowly groups of us would make our way through security accompanied by an endless torrent of crying and love. I left with 3 others, but leaving the larger group was still one of the hardest things to do. In line one of the kids told he how brave it was when I came out to everybody, and how he respected me for it. I cried harder. I rode the plane to Denver with that kid and said my last goodbye of the day. I made my way back to Albuquerque, rode home with my dad and unpacked and listened to sad music.


And here is a pic of my new hair... you cant see it THAT well, but whatever...

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Hello, Atlanta... (part 1)

“Be the change you want to see in the world” –Gandhi

Hey everybody!
It has been one hell of a week. Atlanta was amazing, it will probably take me 3 days of posting to write all that I want to about it. The program I went on this trip with is the National Student Leadership Conference (NSLC). They provide learning experiences in many different fields for high school students. Last June I went on a Politics and Policy conference in Washington DC and a Katrina relief project in New Orleans with them in November. This time it was flood relief in Georgia.
This trip we mostly worked on this house for kids 18-21 or so who are having a really rough time and need a safe place to be while they get on their feet. I was a great cause in my opinion.
And i was the only (at least outted) gay there so... no romances. oh well =/
It is one of the best programs ever. It is not only educational, but you grow as a person on so many levels. I am always making dozens of close, fantastic relationships on these trips. I plan on going on one more before I apply to be an intern and eventually a Team Advisor with the NSLC. I urge all teens reading this, in the US and out, to go. If you are interested e-mail me and I will nominate you for admission.

Suicide has struck again… another friends-friends friend, but it still impacts me based on my past… please no one else kill yourself!! Please! We (I) can’t handle it.

& to any of my readers being disrespectful in “In Which I vent about everything”: Fuck You. Stop reading her blog. Stop reading my blog. I don’t want anything to do with you. She is amazing and you don’t know what she goes through. If you can’t be nice, go away. Blogs are meant to vent and express yourself and we have to support each other. I like to think its other people and not my readers who are saying these things, cuz some of it is pretty fucked up, so… yeah. Sorry. But it pissed me off.

I will have more for you on Atlanta tomorrow.

Friday, February 12, 2010

One quick update

hey guys, i have some limited interned access, i just wanted to give you a quick update. I'm in the Atlanta airport and I'm gonna be here for like another 4 hours before we get to go to the place we are staying at... Its snowing here and a ton of people are stranded. My team advisor is really cool too
I have only seen one boy in the group so far, and he really isn't hook-up material. haha. maybe i will have some more luck later...

I changed up the colors (obviously) so lemme know if you like it or not.

remember... formspring! kay, i will stop being so annoying about it =)

Thursday, February 11, 2010

You know you are gay when...

...You spend 3 hours in the beauty salon getting your hair done (and loved every second of it) Yup, that was what i did after school today, and it looks SOOOOOO CUTE!!! Its an emo style cut but I got lots of blond highlights and dark tips on my bangs! i LOVE it. Such a confidence booster!

I have lots to say, but I'm gonna have to cut it short. I still have LOTS of packing to do and I leave for Atlanta in 10 hours.

The link is in the side bar. ask me anything =)

And to those of you who sent me e-mails yesterday, i read them and i will get back to them when i get back and have more time.
I will be back Wednesday night, but will write you a lengthy post telling you about my trip probably on Thursday.

Till then i love you all and i will miss you!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010


Oh imagination, you are a wild and untamed beast!
Hello everybody!

Life is super busy. i haven't had much time to hang out with my friends like usual for the past couple days. I have had tons to do getting ready for Atlanta and i have had homework stuff too.
I was proud of myself today when i convinced my English teacher to give me credit for an assignment i never did. We are also doing a fun project in government that has kept me occupied.

JJ, who some of you may know has started a blog. is the link, and i have it linked in the side bar too. He is a really cool kid and you should go read his blog. I was reading Rowan's great little blog, Daily Doings yesterday, and he is rather close to JJ. Apparently JJ is having some medical problems with his appendix or something. Best wishes to you man. Get well soon.

Other then that, Ellen is on American Idol, so I'm super happy! i LOVE her!
And I'm getting a hair cut tomorrow! I cant wait! i hope its super cute =)
Thank you to that 1 person who asked me a new question on formspring...

Make good choices (and yes, i know I'm a hypocrite for saying that)
P.S. my e-mail is working again so if you need/want to send me an e-mail i can read it now =)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


Hey guys!
1st off, thanks for all your responses and such to my last post, although you all fail at asking my questions on formspring... haha. And I added 3 more blogs to my links. Check them out =)
My e-mail is being a stupid bitch and isnt working, so if i dont respond to any of your e-mails, its not cuz im an ass hole.
I am also having problems with "Thoughts of a Gay Boy in High school" its a great blog, but he has obviously changed it so you need an invite to read it or something. IDK, but it made me mad. Oh well...

So anyways, senior thesis is a bitch! Its not that bad actually writing it, and i enjoy my topic, 'Why we Need a Public Health Insurance Option,' but I have to do all this crap for it that has little to no benefit towards writing the damn thing! Its annoying.

Now to the topic of my post title. Yes I am a virgin, although i have gone quite far with a girl (it was yucky!) but i have only ever kissed a boy. I don't like being a virgin, although i am not like freaking out about neeeding to lose it or anything. I am hoping (fingers crossed) that i will meet someone cool to hook up wit during my trip to Atlanta. I know "hook ups are dumb" "use protection" blah blah blah... It is something i will take advantage of, if the opportunity arises.

My thinking about my virginity the past few days probably happened because one of the people in my group of friends unexpectedly lost her virginity last weekend. We were all kinda excited and shocked, but at the same time disappointed, because just a week ago she had her very 1st kiss with a boy in out group who likes her quite a lot, but she doesn't like back. FYI the one who likes her is the straight boy i have a little crush on... So yeah, we all thought he would be hurt cuz it seemed like he thought something could happen between them, but he seems to be handling it well. Or is at least hiding his emotions for the most part. He just seems a little out of the loop. Now there are only 5 of us left out of 10 who are still virgins, and hopefully that will change for me this trip....

I strongly believe in sex before marriage, because with out a good sex life it is really hard to keep a relationship up. I would like to find someone to be in a relationship with, but no luck here so far... so i will try for a hook up or to =)
Please tell me if I'm being stupid, but it makes sense to me in my head.

Now off to go try and finish this damn book i have been trying to read for 2 months! its a very good book, i just get too distracted to read...

Saturday, February 6, 2010


Ok... before i tell you all about my stupidity that has been making me feel guilty and ashamed of, I wanna thank everyone for the questions on my formspring. Keep it up =)

So anyways. The sleepovers I've been having almost every weekend with my friends aren't entirely innocent. I told you all about the bonfire a month or so ago when i first smoked hookah and drank a little. Well, since then i have smoked hookah probably 4 more times. Last weekend i smoked hookah again and drank about 4 shots of brandy. On top of that i tried pot for the 1st time. I took a few hits off one of my friends roaches. I didn't feel anything from either the alcohol or the pot though...
This Friday we had another sleepover and we didn't have pot or hookah but we got a half pint of spiced rum and a half pint of vodka. I did get quite tipsy but i didn't over do it. It actually lead to a really close bonding experience with my 3 friends that were over. I was particularly touched when they all compared me with John and said i have a better personality and I'm more attractive. I find John to have a great personality and to be very attractive, where as i don't think im good looking at all. It made me happy, even if they were a bit drunk.

Anyways, I guess my guilt comes from trying the pot, which i promised dozens of people, including myself, i wouldn't do. I also feel awful about not telling some of my friends; mostly Elsa from Atop a Lily Pad. I tell her everything and we supposedly trust each other... but I've been lying for weeks. I'm sorry.

I don't know what the future holds for my bad habits. I have 2 weeks in which i wont have any (cuz I'll be in Atlanta next weekend). Looking back at the past month, i am incredibly disappointed in myself, as I'm sure many of you are. I know I'm not that bad, i mostly feel bad about keeping secrets. I need to be honest. Anyways, i apologize for any of you that care.

Remember, formspring me!

Just keep swimming...

Without pain, we are without love.


Emotions suck. I cant decide if I'm happy or sad most of the time. My friends here, 3 in particular continue to become more and more important to me. We had another sleepover last night and had fun.

As far as my dad, he has been playing obnoxious music really loudly and is causing problems at work. He likes to sing and does so while at work. Some of his coworkers, who don't like him very much, complained and he got yelled at. He want ape shit on his boss and told him that they were just out to get him and threatened to take the company to court for letting a 'hostile work environment' continue. I don't care who you are, singing at school or in the work place is annoying as hell! Id be pissed if i had to work with that!

I don't feel like I can be honest with a lot of people anymore. Even some that i care about the most. I feel guilty, but if i don't keep my mouth shut i could cause some problems... Its also preventing me from saying some things on here that i normally would. I'm sure i will give in soon enough. Its making me feel terrible

That girl who said she kinda fell for me started a blog. She is a reallly good writer and her first post is largely about me. It really made me feel rather disappointed in myself. If you are interested, here is the link:

I'm going to Atlanta at the end of next week. Cant wait!

Thursday, February 4, 2010


Hey guys,
I'm not the happiest person today. I have for a long time hated my school district and the idiots who run it. They have for a long time implemented a strict dress code and have dozens of absurd rules. Our superintendent is a useless human being who has done nothing progressive. Her only accomplishment is getting the new high school (which is in the top 10 most expensive public school ever built in the country) named after herself during a closed-door meeting.

Yesterday we got a bit of snow, well, 2 inches, which is a lot for here. This morning the roads were unbelievably slippery and icy and while driving to school i ended up hitting 3 traffic cones, several curbs and sliding all over the road. When i got to school it was barely salted at all and dangerous outside. And we have 5 buildings so you have to go outside to get to your next class. I cant count the number of people i saw fall. It was incredibly dangerous; i know 2 people who had fender benders.
Santa Fe, Albuquerque, Beranlillo and about every other city in the state, including all of them that are close to mine, had given the schools at least a 2 hour delay, but not my district. Most people didnt even get to school on time and it was a total waste of a day. By not declaring a 2 hour delay they put the well being of all their students at risk, and for what?
Anyways I now have a vendetta against my superintendent and i am determined to see her fired!

Besides that, I got into the University of New Mexico today. Its almost impossible to not get accepted, but I'm still happy I got in. I'm not really looking forward to college, but oh well i guess...

The straight guy i like is still hanging out with us almost everyday. I have kept myself from getting emotionally involved and i don't really care if anything happens. I just enjoy the eye candy! haha! He is a really good cook and made us food the other day. It made me rather happy.

I've only got like 1 question from my Formspring page so feel free. Its in the links thing on the side. Ask anything =)

Monday, February 1, 2010


Wow, thank you all so much on the positive feedback yesterday. i made my day.
Life, as always for me, is ups and downs; intertwined with trials, mystery, unpredictability and the confusion. Sometimes i truly feel like i am living in a wonderland. I keep stumbling into situations i wouldn't have found unimaginable a short while ago. Every new day is and adventure and its keeps me occupied from the darker parts of reality that bring me down.

Speaking of Wonderland i am very excited for the new movie with Johnny Depp. Here is a great song from it by Avril Lavigne, who i like very much.

I know i can get a little screamy in places, but i like it.

I think i may be getting slightly ahead of myself. Life seems to be going faster then my mind can process. I maybe need to start taking some time out of my day to just think and process things. I didn't get home till 9:30 tonight from my friends. Idk if its a good thing or not. I feel better when i do things like that, but i am also becoming more and more dependent on people to be happy and i think i may be changing in some ways that im not sure if i like.