Wednesday, May 12, 2010


You have changed, for the worse. I can’t get over it, I blame myself. This is my fault.

So school is over. I miss it already, it keeps feeling like I’m going to go back, but I never will... Graduation is next Monday. What is probably the greatest chapter of my life is over, and it really wasn’t even so great.

I'm a psychopathic mess. I spent all of Sunday night just crying for like no reason, and the same thing happened yesterday. I also made myself throw up again on Sunday, but I think I'm done, for now at least.

The last day of school went well. It was pretty enjoyable, but very sad. One of my friends was really sad though because her parents are kinda crazy. I did my best to comfort her, but I was a bit of a mess inside that day so I doubt I helped much. Any who, she started her own blog called "Letters To Anton" (yay) and it is really cool, although she hasn’t posted much. I love this girl to death! =) Links on the side.

We went to the Senior picnic after school and there was this HUGE shaving cream/water balloon fight, which I got out of unscathed, but my car got a bit dirty. I didn’t even get to see 1/2 of the people there that I wanted to, but it was a good end of high school thing. We also got to ambush my friend’s brother with water balloons when he was getting home. And we got John too. It was fun. Also my friend who though she was preggers started her period (eew) but yay cuz that would have sucked if she really was!

We went to my house later that afternoon, cuz most of us were gonna sleep over. It was me John and Jordan driving, and we kinda had a race. John was winning by a good half a mile for most of it, so I decided to take a gamble and went out to the highway to try to catch up ground, and when I turn down the street that you turn onto my street from, and I see John at the other end so I speed up and turn down my street. The thing is this one bitch and her fat ass boy friend were crossing in the middle of the street. I wasn’t speeding by more than 5 mph, but I think my sharp turn scared her, and John and Jordan did the same thing behind me, but we all slowed down and went around them. But anyway they come to bitch us out, which I was okay with cuz I shouldn’t have been racing in the 1st place, but I did kinda get them to shut up by pulling the J-walking card and I just told them that " I know I shouldn’t be speeding but I was just excited to get home on my last day of school, and that I expect people to cross at the cross walk where they are supposed to cross, so drivers can see them."

Then we had fun showing John and Jordan our tortoises cuz they hadn’t seen them yet, we had burgers that my mom made for us, and then started drawing on each other with high liters and painted the walls of the mud hut with UV paint cuz we had black lights so that night the walls and our bodies looked SOOOO FUCKING COOL!!!! It was light up all crazy and was awesome!

I stuck to my word about not drinking, but I did get stoned off my ass. It was super fun with all the neon stuff on the walls, I kept feeling like I was in space or something. It was relaxing and fun and totally the best mud hut party I have ever had!

John wasn't able to stay over, but I was okay with it cuz I am doing a really good job getting over him, although I could fall for him anytime if he started showing signs. I really like Jordan and we get along much better than I do with John. He is here for a few more months, and I don’t have a good enough read on him yet to know if he might be interested or not. I’m guessing not. But anyways, he’s super cute!

I have been cleaning for the past 2 days and it sucks!!! It’s for my stupid bitch ass grandparents are coming for graduation. I CAN'T STAND THEM!!! My doggy is in surgery today to get some infected teeth removed and to fix her gum disease. It makes me so sad to see animals in pain. And I think I’m getting sick. I hate being sick!

This is getting too long so I will go now. And please formspring me if there is anything you wanna know, and I will answer everything honestly, so... yeah.


  1. Hi Anton. I'm an old gay guy (in good shape for my age if I do say so myself!) and finishing high school does seem kind of weird cos you are leaving one reality for a new one. I was a closeted gay back in the old days, and finishing high school didn't bother me cos all of my friends were outside of my high school. I'm glad educational institutions are more gay-friendly today (relatively speaking) and more so in post secondary. Don't do too much crying, though, cos I found my twenties to be much more exciting and enjoyable than my teens; I guess because you have more freedom. Good idea to stay away from booze; it causes a lot of trouble for young guys. The occasional joint is better. I'm sure there is a real boyfriend out there for you. bfn - Wayne :)

  2. Nice, interesting post, Anton. I hope the graduation on Monday goes ok. I guess that really makes it final. You've got your whole life ahead of you now and I'm sure it will be a great one. Look forward to it with great anticipation!

  3. hey Anton... I'm sorry to hear that you feel so blue at times... I'm glad that you don't drown your troubles by drinking, but, I doubt that getting stoned, is much better.... Just a different way to disrupt your brain chemistry, IMHO...

    Anyways, I wonder why an obviously smart guy like you, is so wound up, and feels so sad to be moving on?? I know that change can be unsettling, but, at your age, don't you find it exciting, as well?? Why do you think that the best is behind you?? Maybe, you are afraid of the unknown... that's natural, but, with experience, you'll find that the fear is almost always far worse than the eventual reality... You are leaving your childhood, in many ways, and entering an exciting new adventure that will likely be far more enjoyable than high school...You'll be calling the shots for yourself, and the possibilities are endless... The world awaits!! Put the crying stuff in the rear view mirror, and start enjoying your new status!! I wish you all the best, kid!! luv, tman<3

  4. Hey buddy, I know, I'm definitely working on saving up maybe getting a job. It kinda sucks that you all are graduating while I'm gonna be at home, being a bum, probably watching Pretty in Pink or something legit like that haha, we've been through so much since last summer and I know graduation only marks the beginning! xoxo
    Your Queen Bee

  5. Thank you Wayne, I hope that my 20s are better for me, and I will keep looking for that boy friend
    Bryan, thank you for enjoying my post, I will try to keep them kinda interesting
    Tman, I do think smoking is better for me than drinking, but I agree I shouldn’t do either, although idk if thats gonna happen, starting college and all. I am excited to move on, but I was still interested in high school. It wasnt boring, I could do what I wanted when I wanted. I dont want to have to have the level of responsibility yet that I will have in college. Im sure it will be fine once I finally start it and all though.

    And I'm not really looking forward to walking, it seems like a long pain in the ass... I will have to come over and have a chick flick day with you this summer. <3