Okay, so everything has changed... yet again. Something compelled my dumb ass mom to go back home today. Apparently my father has sobered up at least somewhat and is seeking help. He wants to go to AA meetings, he has secured his job, he has seen a psychiatrist and is gonna get further medical help and maybe go into rehab. Apparently he said how hes sorry and doesn't really remember much that happened in a full 3 day period and was devastated and how he know it doesn't fix anything. He said he understands if my mom still wants to leave him and if I don't wanna came back. My mom has decided that with his attempts to get help she is willing to go back, because he has never tried this hard before. I, on the other hand am completely apathetic to any of his feelings and remorse. He has been fucking up my life for at least a good 13 years and this is my final straw. I still want him to die... a lot!!!
The only things that could bring me back to that house is my mud hut and Luis. I hate everything else, the location, the people in it, the house itself... I would have to have a lot of conditions and probably never have a stable relationship with my dad again... especially while I'm there. He understands that. It would also be temporary, a year tops. Its still so difficult to even consider going back. My mom and I talked a lot over lunch today and she knows how I feel.
What the hell should I do? Right now my choices are to go home, get my own place which would be expensive or go to Utah which would also be expensive.
My friend said I can stay her for a while if I need to, and there is not a chance in hell I will go back home within the week. He plans on calling me tomorrow for my birthday but I have no intention of answering. He fucked up my birthday last year too by drinking.
Before I can decide anything I'm gonna take council from my dads oldest brother, my favorite aunt, all of you guys and my god mother.
Jordan is being a bitch, he has been flirting quite a bit but he is also trying really hard to get with this other guy... so whatever. Hes hot and really awesome, but I'm a lot more okay just being friends with him than I was with John. Its still annoying.
Today is also my LAST DAY BEING A MINOR!!! I turn 18 tomorrow and honestly I'm not exactly happy about it. My friend who I'm staying with and her mom are making me a cake and then tonight were gonna go get fucked up in my friends garage. We also got our hands on this star machine that puts thousands of laser stars on the ceiling that move around and it will be sooo cool when were high! It should be a good time and i really really need it.
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