Monday, June 7, 2010

My Mom is SUCH a Push-over!!

Okay, so everything has changed... yet again. Something compelled my dumb ass mom to go back home today. Apparently my father has sobered up at least somewhat and is seeking help. He wants to go to AA meetings, he has secured his job, he has seen a psychiatrist and is gonna get further medical help and maybe go into rehab. Apparently he said how hes sorry and doesn't really remember much that happened in a full 3 day period and was devastated and how he know it doesn't fix anything. He said he understands if my mom still wants to leave him and if I don't wanna came back. My mom has decided that with his attempts to get help she is willing to go back, because he has never tried this hard before. I, on the other hand am completely apathetic to any of his feelings and remorse. He has been fucking up my life for at least a good 13 years and this is my final straw. I still want him to die... a lot!!!

The only things that could bring me back to that house is my mud hut and Luis. I hate everything else, the location, the people in it, the house itself... I would have to have a lot of conditions and probably never have a stable relationship with my dad again... especially while I'm there. He understands that. It would also be temporary, a year tops. Its still so difficult to even consider going back. My mom and I talked a lot over lunch today and she knows how I feel.
What the hell should I do? Right now my choices are to go home, get my own place which would be expensive or go to Utah which would also be expensive.
My friend said I can stay her for a while if I need to, and there is not a chance in hell I will go back home within the week. He plans on calling me tomorrow for my birthday but I have no intention of answering. He fucked up my birthday last year too by drinking.
Before I can decide anything I'm gonna take council from my dads oldest brother, my favorite aunt, all of you guys and my god mother.

Jordan is being a bitch, he has been flirting quite a bit but he is also trying really hard to get with this other guy... so whatever. Hes hot and really awesome, but I'm a lot more okay just being friends with him than I was with John. Its still annoying.

Today is also my LAST DAY BEING A MINOR!!! I turn 18 tomorrow and honestly I'm not exactly happy about it. My friend who I'm staying with and her mom are making me a cake and then tonight were gonna go get fucked up in my friends garage. We also got our hands on this star machine that puts thousands of laser stars on the ceiling that move around and it will be sooo cool when were high! It should be a good time and i really really need it.



  1. Happy Birthday Anton. Please go easy on the celebration. Use your Dad as an example of overdoing it. You've got a hard choice to make of where you are going to live. I don't know what to advise. I think your Uncle, Aunt, and God Mother will give the best council. I'm leaning toward the God Mother. Listen to what she advises. It might be good for you to get way away from the situation for a while. Who knows, your Dad may turn completely around and become a good husband for your Mom. It might be easier for that to happen if you are not involved.

  2. Anton
    I may get some stick from others but I'm speaking my mind here. I think your Mum is being utterly stupid to go back.

    My Mum threw my alcoholic biological father out and it was the best days work she ever did. People rarely change in that respect.

    I honestly think that you need to consider your future outside your immediate family. Put yourself first.

    Don't get too high, it can be a long way down but have a great birthday.


  3. I hope you decide to stay sober tonight- you only have to look at the damage it created in your parents' lives and your's to know why I feel like this...
    I hope your 18th birthday celebration is good, clean fun with the best friends that you have, there to help you usher it in...

    On the other topic- your dad... There's obviously a lot of damage in your relationship, apparently brought on by the drinking, over the years... If you ever re-establish trust with him, it will take lots of work... It is up to him, to take the 1st real steps... Not just talk- real, solid effort. Part of that, should be an ironclad agreement, really a contract, that both of you should sign, that says that he is giving up the booze, forever... That means rehab, AA meetings, and total dedication... If he goes through with that, he will slowly repair the damage that his drinking has created, and, MAYBE you will feel differently about the dad that emerges... Miss any steps, or, break ANY part of the contract, and, he is done...

    I know that giving him this chance would be the toughest thing that you have ever done... I'm skeptical that he can do what he has to do... But, he is the only father, that you will ever have. I believe that, with the right strategy in place, it's worth one final shot...

    In the immediate future, you need to live away from him- maybe the summer at your Godmother's... School in the fall in New Mexico, and living at home, ONLY if he is strictly following the contract... These are the things in life that are the most difficult, Anton... You are becoming a man, tho, and you have the intelligence to deal with this... Good luck kid! luv, tman<3hugs2

  4. Hi there, Anton

    I'm not quite sure what to say about all this, but here goes once again...

    For your father's sake, I hope that this does prove a turning point in his life, and that he can break the grip that alcohol has on him. Unfortunately, this often seems to be pretty difficult. I can also see that this doesn't make your choices any simpler.

    I think you're right not to go home now, and if I were you I'd want to see some real evidence that your father is changing for the better before moving back. It sounds to me that if you can live away from home, you're probably better off doing so. I'm not familiar with the US housing system - how expensive would living away from home be? Might one of your family or friends be willing to have you living with them on a more permanent basis?

    Since it's already "tomorrow" here, I'll wish you a happy birthday. I don't think I would choose your method of celebrating it, but you definitely deserve some relaxation and happiness.

    I can see that you might have mixed feelings about turning 18, but I rather think that it gives you more freedoms than burdens at the moment. Certainly your parents cease to have any legal control of you!

    Once again, Happy Birthday!



  5. Happy Birthday! I hope this year will be much happier than the one that is ending.

  6. Happy Birthday!
    School's done, you're 18, time to move on. You don't need his dramas, you've got your own life to live. I know financially it's hard, but the emotional price might be even steeper if you stay.

  7. Thank you so much everyone!!
    I totally agree with Mac about how stupid my mom is.
    As far as last night, i didnt get nearly as messed up as i thought i would, mostly cuz i really wasnt in the mood for alcohol. Its probably good, but i still smoked quite a bit.
    If I do go home, which i think is basically my most realistic option and what will probably happen, i will be ignoring him for the most part, i will leave at the first sign of drinking and make sure he knows my terms. I am gonna wait at least a few more days for him to begin what ever treatment he is starting and make sure things are stable. I will only stay for a year or so though.

    I do feel like im imposing on my friends, so i will try not to stay too long... IDK if i could possibly stay with any of thems, and living alone would cost probably twice what any job i get would provide for, considering what i have thats available.

  8. Hi Anton, I hope the next 18 years of your life are happier and filled with joy. After surviving the first 18 years of your life you deserve some peace and happiness. Happy 18th :)


  9. Hey Anton! Just stumbled across your blog through another one that I follow. I'm 22, a gay journalist living in London and I keep a blog on the side too, give it a read when you get a free moment - it's called the jack of hearts.
    great little blog you've got going here, looking forward to reading up on you!
    jack x