Sunday, June 20, 2010

My kinda Boy Friend, and Our Really Shitty Situation

Hey Hey.
Okay, so Ethan, the boy I was kinda talking about in my last post, well, we started talking; a lot. He is incredibly sweet and he seems to like me a lot. We haven’t met in person yet, but he sounds cute and said he saw a picture of me, and that he thinks I'm cute. In one of his e-mails, he kinda asked me out. I never gave him a definitive answer, cuz I really would like to meet him first, and cuz IDK if i want a relationship; but anyways, he thinks we are going out, and I'm okay with that for now, but I'm still considering our relationship in limbo.
Now for the super fucking shitty part. Ethan is in the Navy, and they spontaneously decided to ship him out to California for a couple weeks. He leaves really soon, and neither of us are sure if we will have time to even meet before he leaves, although both of us are trying really hard to figure something out. Also, by the time he gets back, I will be gone on my summer trips, and by the time I get back, IDK how much time we will have together before he has to leave again, cuz he is supposed to sometime in August.
We had made plans to meet this week and have a 'sleep over' at his house and now that has probably been postponed a couple months. If we don't end up meeting before he leaves I’m defiantly keeping my options open if something else comes along. I like him, but I'm not entirely okay having a boyfriend who I haven’t met in person yet.

In other news, I'm a terrible person! My mom spent last night in the hospital for observation after going to the E.R. for heart palpitations. I’m kinda sad, but I’m much much more broken up about the Ethan thing. How terrible is that? But I figure she will be fine.... so IDK.

Today, for father’s day, I've barricaded myself in my room and I’m not intending to have a second of face time with my monster of a father.

So yeah... every time I find something that makes me really happy, It’s taken away before I can enjoy it. The universe is always raining on what utopia I can find in my life...



  1. Anton

    That really is just crap! It's got to be worth staying in touch with Ethan though, taking a slightly longer view.

    No you're not a monster or a bad person. I can completely understand why you feel the way you do and why you're putting your own feelings first. I don't blame you for ducking Father's Day either.

    Take care of yourself


  2. Been a while since I've said anything so I think I will leave a comment

    I say don't put too much hope in the idea you and him will be together seeing how things are kind of busy for the both of you right now

    Can't say I'm mad at you seeing the way your parents have been treating you

    Good luck with everything
    A different Ethan

  3. Qustion. Does your Aunt live anywhere near where Ethan is being posted?

    Just wondering

  4. Haha, thanks for not thinking me a terrible person or anything.

    The whole thing with (my) Ethan does really really sucks. I do plan to keep talking to him, but I dont see us being in a realistic relationship in the near future... but maybe someday though.

    And I hadent even considered the California possibility!!! I bet he will be within an hour of where she lives, but the downfall of that plan is that out of state tuition in California isnt something I can afford, and Im not sure if he will be there perminantly or not. As far as I know, he is calling NM home for the time being... I did like the idea a lot when i first read it though!! =)

  5. Anton, ive been reading your blog for a while now and think its great btw...
    just to say youre not a monster for anything you did over the weekend. In my opinion to are doing a remarkable job of holding everything together and trying to live your life as best as you can in the circumstances. Having things fall around you at this time in your life is hard...i know from expereince, but it will make you stronger in the long run...thats not just me saying that...its what i believe. Just remember you are never alone in all of this, you have people here in blogland, many of who, will offer advice where possible...and in the real world youve got your friends. Take care...james. PS..if u wanna chat further at all Ben B has got all my details...fb/msn/skype etc...

  6. Hey Anton... just stopping by to see how you're doing... One thing on my mind specifically- be very careful with this Ethan guy... If you decide to meet him in person, do it in a very public place... I'm sure that you know all this, but, it bears repeating... He's probably just fine, but...
    Listen, I know that you love your mom... yeah, I know that she's given you a lot of trouble, but, I also saw how you supported her through the crisis... I'm sure if she was really sick, we wouldn't be speculating here. It's OK to be mad at her- real mad, in fact... She made some bad decisions that affected you... Problem is- she's your mom, and, like it or not, NOBODY is perfect... Still, a jab, here or there, to vent, is probably ( hell, really... ) what I'd do too!! I spent plenty of time at your age, being really put off by my parents- you know, 'How could I ever have come from them?' --- I still wonder about that, sometimes!! lol But, even tho I don't see eye to eye with them, they are my connection to the cosmos... I could not exist without them...
    As you grow older, kid, you learn how to forgive... hopefully... If you don't, you carry the pain foward in a heavy heart, that becomes scarred and bitter... It's not a good way to go through life... I've seen it too often... You don't need to be revisiting this kind of stuff, till your parents are gone...That, would only compound the tragedy. luv, tman<3

  7. My mom took an ambulance to the hospital for a swollen foot... heres the sad part she called me to tell me she was doing it and I didn't offer to take her...

    Its not so bad though I picked her up lmao. I love her to death but I don't think sometimes... I can't say I would go out with the guy if hes leaving... What good is a boyfriend whos too far away to care for you when you need him? Its no different than a woman getting married to a man bout to get shipped off to Iraq... It makes no sense to me... Wait til he gets back and if he is still interested and ur still single then give him a shot ;p but hell I'm single so i'm not much for relationships lmao...