So today has been slow. I have been in my room all day again. By the time I got up my dad was already awake and on the computer, and my desire for food hasn’t yet been great enough to even walk past him to get to the kitchen... So I have been snacking on fudge until he takes a nap and I can go eat. Hopefully soon cuz I'm hungry!
I didn’t go to the party yesterday. My friend I was gonna go with had a change of plans. So I ended up playing foot ball with some of the neighborhood kids, including Luis, and played at the park a bit. He was all gross from working with his dad, but still super cute... I think like him a lot, although not as much as I ever did with John, cuz I’m still 75% sure Luis is straight and I’m not letting myself fall that hard again; especially if there is such a minuscule chance of it ever working out between us. We watched a movie after the park and all of that, but before that he showered and came back in basketball shorts and a tank top.... HOT FUCKING DAMN!!! <3
Tuesday we are gonna see like 3 movies at the dollar theater and then have a mud hut sleep out and get pizza and stuff. I doubt he drinks, but I will offer some rum that night and see if I can possibly get him a wee bit drunk and try to open him up a little. If not, it should still be a fun night!
I may have a mud hut party with my other friends tonight, but I will be sober for that if it happens. I’m slowing down on the bad stuff and saving it for special occasions. I’m not doing it for me, but more for all the people that it bothers... I don’t really care much for my life cuz I will end up in the same place in the end anyways and I believe I will have NO awareness of how long I was alive or what happened or any form of consciousness what so ever... but I hate being the cause of other peoples unhappiness.
Oh, and late last night I heard from 'Peacock' as I used to call him on here after 2 or so months with no contact. He wanted to make amends and say sorry and offer us some of the stuff he ended up keeping. He doesnt want back but he just wanted to end on good terms. It was nice.
That’s about it for now. I love you all and I will continue to try to not get arrested!
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