Hey. I’m really sorry my posting has been irregular lately. I have continued to be busy and my internet has been abnormally uncooperative.
One thing that been on my mind a lot lately has been suicide. Don’t worry, it’s not like I’m contemplating it or anything…
One of my best friend’s-love interests-good friends (I know… it’s complicated) killed himself earlier in the week. My friend is pretty shaken up about it.
Anyways, it got me thinking about suicide. I have considered some of the reasons behind it and how it can often times be reasonable if you really have no happiness and don’t see any in the future. Other times it is a foolish, uncalculated decision that just damages hundreds of people. I have never met this kid who died and only saw his friend once, but it has still had an impact on my life. Death is far-reaching. Although I’m not opposed to it in all cases, I think probably 9 times out of 10 suicide is a selfish decision that people wouldn’t make if they were thinking reasonably.
About 4-6 years ago I was very suicidal. I lived in a small redneck city that I hated; I didn’t have any good friends, besides my girl friend, who ended up moving far away. I also had the biggest problems at home that I have ever had. After I got home from a particularly bad day, I went into my parents drug-cabinet and grabbed a handful of the first pills I saw with a warning on the bottle. I went into my room and lined them all up and just stared at them for a long time. I eventually decided I wasn’t ‘brave enough’ to OD on them. I left them there for another week or so and looked at them every day considering swallowing them all. Until one day I got a call from this girlfriend, that I had broken up with on account of us not wanting to do a long distance relationship, and we talked for a long time and I found enough reasons to not die, at least for the moment. I probably owe my life to that conversation, and although we have fallen out of contact for the past several years, I still think about that incident a lot.
I haven’t had any thoughts nearly that bad since then, and whenever I have a suicidal thought now it’s usually gone in about an hour. Suicide isn’t a good thing except in veeeery rare cases, so if any of you ever consider it please try to come to your senses and think reasonably or talk to someone.
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