High School Reruns?

Hello! So today was my last day of school for the week, Yay Thanksgiving break!! My red hair has kinda turned pink and I like it quite a bit :) I saw Harry Potter and it was AMAZING!!! I cried twice during it :P
3 of my friends who moved away for college are back in town and we all hung out last night. It felt exactly like the old days in high school!!! I miss it and I miss them, Its gonna be a fun week with them visiting.
I'm kinda in a rush, so I'm not really going into depth on anything... haha.
I'll post more detail soon
~Anton

HAIR

I got a haircut today.... I got these certificates for $50 at this place last month and decided to use one today. I had this funny gay hair dresser and had some interesting conversations with him. It was a better price than my usual place, $75 ($25 with my certificate) and it took my average 3 hours... I really changed my look though! I like it.





so... yeah :)

I failed...

Start at 100% and subtract 1% for everything you’ve done.
1. Smoked.
2. Drank alcohol.
3. Cried when someone died.
4. Been drunk.
5. Had sex.
7. Been to a concert.
7. gotten/given a handjob.
8. gotten/given a blowjob.
9. Been verbally/sexually harassed.
10. Verbally/sexually harassed somebody.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 91%
11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up.
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before.
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
15. Been to prom.
16. Cried at school.
17. Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store.
18. Went streaking.
19. Given or receieved a lap dance.
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 83%
21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sex’s house.
23. Kissed a stranger.
24. Hugged a stranger.
25. Went scuba diving.
26. Driven a car.
27. Gotten an x-ray.
28. Hit by a car.
29. Had a party.
30. Done serious drugs.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 77%
31. Played strip poker/darts.
32. Got paid to strip for someone.
33. Run away from home.
34. Broken a bone.
35. Eaten sushi.
36. Bought porn.
37. Watched porn.
38. Made porn.
39. Had a crush on someone of the same sex.
40. Been in love.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 72%
41. French kissed.
42. Laughed so hard you cried.
43. Cried yourself to sleep.
44. Laughed yourself to sleep.
45. Stabbed yourself.
46. Shot a gun.
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.
48. Been online for 9 consecutive hours.
49. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
50. Watched an animal die.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 64%
51. Watched a person die
52. Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present.
53. Pranked somebody
54. Put somebody in the hospital.
55. Snuck into someones room and/or your own room after being out.
56. Kissed somebody of the same sex.
57. Dressed punk.
58. Dressed goth.
59. Dressed preppy.
60. Been to a motocross race.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR; 58%
61. Avoided somebody.
62. Been stalked.
63. Stalked someone.
64. Met a celebrity.
65. Played an instrument.
66. Ridden a horse.
67. Cut yourself.
68. Bungee jumped.
69. Ding dong ditched somebody.
70. Been to a wild party.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 50%
71. Got caught stealing something.
72. Kicked/punched a guy in the balls.
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.
74. Gone out with your friends crush.
75. Got arrested.
76. Been pregnant.
77. Babysat.
78. Been to another country.
79. Started your house on fire.
80. Had an encounter with a ghost.
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 46%
81. Donated your hair to cancer patients.
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you’d be asked out by.
83. Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over or 3 months.
85. Sat on your butt all day.
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.
87. Had a job.
88. Gotten cut from a sports team.
89. Been called a whore.
90. Danced like a whore
PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 39%
91. Been mistaken for a celebrity.
92. Been in a car accident.
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes.
94. Been told you have beautiful hair.
95. Raped somebody.
96. Danced in the rain.
97. Been rejected.
98. Walked out of a restaurant without paying.
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face.
100. Been raped.
Total: 33%

The boy, The girl, the end. (A 'borrowed' story)

As the story goes: They were the only ones who could make each other feel that way. She was beautiful and could have whoever she wanted. She chose him. He offered her everything, and could never stand to see her sad. His smile would light up her life. He was a brilliant student, and recieved a job offer from one of the highest after only a year in the academy. He was the best of the best, and she was right behind. But it was that man who pulled him up. The man whose touch turned everything dark. The man who never cared about anything except being on top. The boy accepted the dark man's request, but not for himself. It was always for her. He wished to make the world better. A world where he would never have to see her tears again. He knew she would have to hate him for his path, but he was willing to give it up. He promised himself he'd return to her. He knew she would forgive him once he explained everything. Even if he hated that man, he would keep her in mind. That man's course was the one he had to take for her. He went along with everything the man told him to do. When the time came, he ordered the one beneathe him to attack her, but not to kill her. He knew she would never forgive him until he could see her again. She didn't understand. She had done everything he'd ever wanted. Now it seemed as though he had betrayed her. Why would he do such a thing? Had he never loved her? Had every word he'd spoken been a lie? Her heart was broken, but she carried on. She could not let herself fall. She thought that if she could talk to him, she could bring him back. When the moment was right, she tried. He pushed her back. He didn't want her to get hurt by that terrible man. He knew that if she tried to help him, the man would hurt her. He wouldn't let her get hurt. She could never understand it. She didn't understand until the end. Until it was too late. She would have been able to bring him back, she thought. She knew. She would have been able to, but he had never left. He'd always been with her. And in the end he tried to rebel against that man. He saw that if he let the man go on, she would end up dead. He couldn't let that happen. He tried to steal the man's powers, and he thought he did. But then the man returned. The man returned, and he left. He was gone. She saw all of this, and went to his side. His eyes had finally opened, and then they had closed again. He didn't see her tears, but they came. He wanted to tell her why he had hurt her, but he couldn't. He didn't have to. She already knew. She knew that the last years she had hated him for nothing. He was doing it for her. He wouldn't want her to be sad now, but she couldn't help it. He was gone. The boy who had given her everything, the boy she had given everything too, the boy who had been the only one for her, the boy that she had been the only one for. He was everything to her. Now everything was gone.
Their fairytale never had a happy ending. It was never meant to.
That man destroyed it all.

Personal annotations/additions: At times the ferocity and anger of the girl against what the man was doing were so great that the man feared that if she ever caught him, she could have destroyed him out of pure hatred combined with the love she had for the boy.
No matter how much the boy tried to protect her in his fight against the man, he seemed to have caused her irrevocable harm. Perhaps more than even the man himself could have caused. What would have happened if he had never resisted? Would he still be her everything? Would she still be his? Would she still be utterly whole, not the damaged being the battle between the boy and the man left her as? Would all things in the world still be as they were meant to be? Would mistakes be unmade? Who was this man even? Was he really that bad? Or just cause harm with no intentions of such? Alas, neither the boy nor the girl will ever get these answers, because the man DID destroy it all.


This story brought tears to my eyes. I dont know if it was the magnificence of how it was written, the genuine emotion put into, how accurate it is or how personal it is, but it is honestly one of the most moving stories I have yet come across. It definitely puts things in perspective and indicated that fixes were possible.

Thank you.

Today I had coffee with a friend and had a good conversation. I haven't had an opportunity to talk about recent things in my life with anyone for a while, so it was enjoyable, and doing such helps me put things in perspective. I was supposed to go to a drag show at UNM tonight, but everyone I was interested in was busy.

Its been a failry relaxing weekend though... I need to do homework thugh. :(

I was compelled earlier to go through some old e-mails from some friends. I've said it before, but NOSTALGIA SUCKS! Anyways, these are from Aug/Sept, 2009, about 6 months before things with some people really started falling apart..

A: ,('o'),
C: cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute
A: i know! right?
C: not you, the face!
A: its a fish, not a face, and yes me too
C: how the hell is that a fish? and no you aren't
A: ITS A FUCKING FISH!!!! AND I AM SO!!!
C: okayyyyy... And no you aren't, unless you are comparing your self to, say, Michael Jackson.
buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurn
A: well, hagrid is sexy compared to you!!!
C: ooooh buuuuuurn....
A: no, true......
C: what?
A: nm...
C: you are weird! i hate you! go to hell!
A: ok, see u there!!!! =D
C: kaleidescopes!
A: omfg! yesssss!
C: love em!
A: and sneekoscopes r cool too!
C: hahaha yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup
A: yay!

I have lost 4, once very important, relationships in the past few months, and I certainly miss them, but I'm not sure if they will ever be meaningful again, or even if I want (at least 2 of them) to be reestablished. Its definitely a price paid from growing older and the different paths everyone chooses. At least I have 5 very good friends as of now. We'll see what happens with these 4 though... Hopefully I'll know about 2 after Thanksgiving and the other 2 after new years.
~Anton

Rate My Life?

This is all from a website that I took this quiz on today...

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	4.7
Mind:	4.4
Body:	6.1
Spirit:	4.5
Friends/Family:	3.2
Love:	1.4
Finance:	4.8
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Your Life Analysis:

Life: Your life rating is a score of the sum total of your life, and accounts for how satisfied, successful, balanced, capable, valuable, and happy you are. The quiz attempts to put a number on the summation of all of these things, based on your answers. Your life score is on the low end. Making key changes to different aspects of your life will bring you greater fulfillment. Do not be discouraged. Seek help outside yourself if need be. There is always time to change, and change will bring many rewards.

Mind: Your mind rating is a score of your mind's clarity, ability, and health. Higher scores indicate an advancement in knowledge, clear and capable thinking, high mental health, and pure thought free of interference. Your mind score is rather low, which means that your mental state is not in tune. Learn to filter out the noise of everyday life. Unplug, relax, read a good book. Take up a new area of study. Simplify and focus your mental energy and your mind function will improve.

Body: Your body rating measures your body's health, fitness, and general wellness. A healthy body contributes to a happy life, however many of us are lacking in this area. Your body score is fairly average, which means there is room for improvement. Keep a focus on your physical health. Protect your body as it is your most valuable physical asset. Nutrition, stress reduction, and exercise are key.

Spirit: Your spirit rating seeks to capture in a number that elusive quality which is found in your faith, your attitude, and your philosophy on life. A higher score indicates a greater sense of inner peace and balance. You seem to be lacking in spirit. Improve your score by refining your beliefs and searching for answers to philosophical questions. Consider new belief systems if your current beliefs are not rewarding you.

Friends/Family: Your friends and family rating measures your relationships with those around you, and is based on how large, healthy, and dependable your social network is. Your friends and family score suffers, yet it does not need to be this way. Strengthen your social network by reaffirming old bonds. Seek out new friendships, and they will provide you the reward you need.

Love: Your love rating is a measure of your current romantic situation. Sharing your heart with another person is one of life's most glorious, terrifying, rewarding experiences. Your love score is very low, indicating trouble. There is love out there for you. Seek the advice of wise people on how to go about finding it. Do not lose hope.

Finance: Your finance rating is a score that rates your current financial health and stability. Your financial score indicates some trouble. Raise your score over time by making changes which will lead to greater prosperity in the future. Be sure to live within your means today.

Endless Week

All day I have thought it has been Thursday, which is the last day of my week. I find this distressing.
It has been an alright week though so far. School has been pretty average and things seem to be going pretty well in all my classes. I LOVE my World Cultures teacher!!!!
Tomorrow I'm wearing my FCKH8 shirt, so I'm pretty excited about that. If you dont know what FCKH8 is google it and watch their "Straight talk about gay marriage" video. I'd post it but I bet almost everyone has seen it and it might get old after the 20th time watching, but if you havent seen it, its really good.

Let see. Luis took state for track which is pretty exciting! I havent seen him in way too long though. I have yet to give up on my suspicions he is gay.
Then someone told this one kid at school who I have always hated just how much I hate him. I explained why this is to to a friend on facebook earlier and it went something like this:
"I dont know who doesnt know that i dislike him. he is a pathetic attention whore who pretends to be gay and have amnesia because he cant find any way for any one to even talk to him unless he is differant or disabled in some way because hes so god damn pathetic and whiney and annoying to talk to under any normal circumstance!!
haha, sorry. I'm done."
But its true. And I have no problem being an ass. i honesty couldn't care less that knows i despise him other than he is at all sorts of gay events. But I'm the king of awkward situations so it wont stop me!

There are kinda plans to go see my friends in Las Cruses in a couple weekends, but honestly I dont want to go. Its too time consuming and costly to travel that far and kinda stressful. Plus I know they are replacing us with people there, as we are replacing them up here and i don't have the resolve to keep up dissolving relationships when I have the minimum of meaningful friendships I need, and I have far more than the minimum at the moment. And their ugly annoying gay friend who I have NEVER had contact with added me on facebook and tried to talk to me the other day and I ignored him cuz it kinda creped me out.

My car is a piece of shit and pissed me off yesterday so I kinda kicked it and it has a dent in it. My parents are convinced i was hit in a parking lot. I'd feel guilty if my mom didnt work at a car place and can get it fixed super easy. I used to have a really bad temper and that behavior would have been normal, but not so much anymore. I just had a bad day yesterday.

Oh, and I basically got rid of all my links on the side. They annoyed me though, and I still have "blogs I follow" on the sidebar.
~Anton

Quick Business

First off, I did start a tumblir... http://poisonspring.tumblr.com/
SO FOLLOW IT!!!! ...or not, but it would be cool if you did. A lot of my friends have really great tumblrs and they would be worth following too. I am not posting this URL on that site because this one I'm keeping open as my 'journal' which I'm not entirely cool with my friends like Jordan to have access to (considering I talk about him a fair amount on here.
I will keep this one up though, I will probably just post on the other one a lot more and have a wider variety of things I'm going to share on it. And I'm pretty sure what I wrote for my 1st post is about as long as those posts will get.

AND! here is my award winning tinkerbell costume that I have been asked to post on here, :) god I need a haircut.

Resurrection

So I am back from the Dead. I know it has been FOREVER since I posted, but with work and all I have not had the time or interest for anything on the internet with the exception of the occasional facebook or m-mail check in.
Yesterday was the last day of work, seeing as it was the election, and it couldn't come fast enough. By the end i was exhausted, but the money is very welcome, considering I have been spending so much of it lately.
I will spare you most of my ramblings and just give you a short synopsis of whats been up with my life in the past month.
~School. It has taken a lot of my time but I am maintaining fair grades in all of my classes, as far as I know.
~I have seen less and less of my friends because of busy work schedules and stuff, but we are still as close as ever.
~I got a psychiatric evaluation at school and scored high for anxiety and very high for depression. They have referred my to the therapist, but I have yet to have time for that.
~I won the QSA Halloween costume contest...I went as tinker bell. :) Halloween night was fairly uneventful however.
~I finished the BEST book series in the world (The Hunger Games) and as soon as I have enough money I plan on getting a tattoo that is a reference from the book. CAN'T WAIT!
~Joined Connexion, a gay social/dating site... kinda lame. :)
~Broke 2 boys hearts
~Found a boy I'm sure is gay and is super cute. I only saw him like once at Sonic, but imma go back and flirt as soon as I see hes working there again.
~I've met a ton of high profile Democrats...

Ummm... thats about all I can think of now. But im back for now at least.
Love yallll
and I may start posting on Tumblr soon, so stay tuned
~Anton

Lemonade

Hey! So nothing has calmed down really, but I have made some time in the past couple days to have to myself.

School is slightly less stressful in some aspects, but more so in others. The results from my first test weren't so good... a 72%, but I will actually study better for the next class in that class. Me and my friend who I have school with (and don't like) have made a new friend that we have been hanging out with a bit. We went to his house one day after school because he lives super close to the school. He has some really awesome dogs and we went to a few cool stores, that I need to go back to sometime. One is this new age store that my friends would like, so we will probably go Wednesday instead of going to QSA. One of our co-chairs pissed Jordan off because Jordan said he didn't really like our last meeting on a Facebook discussion board and then was told to "Just stop coming" if he didn't like the meetings. But it was a really awful meeting where the Christians came in and told us they loved us and we were all children of god and kinda shoving their views down one the throats of one of the least Christian groups at school. But I'm sure we will go again soon, just not for a couple weeks. Wednesdays are still gonna be designated as days we all try to get together and hang out. I love my friends so much! haha

I kinda got a job today! I get paid $9 an hour to go door to door for Democrats in New Mexico for the elections in a couple weeks. I'm excited to have a little work, even if its only gonna be for the next couple weeks. I also got registered to vote today. My parents and I went to a harvest festival in Coralles, which is a cool little town. It wasn't so fun, but its will wake my parents happy and probably keep them sober, which they have been. I also went to a family night thing at my dad's aftercare program, which was interesting, and I'm sure it made him feel supported. I still hate him, but the happier he is, the easier life is for me...

I have had one of my infamous change-of-hearts. Daniel has recently started annoying me and I'm back on the look for anything, although I'm really just not that interested in many people. I have also been depressed the past week or so, just thinking about flaws and all sorts of negative stuff, but I think its getting better. These though patterns seem to be pretty cyclical with me.

At a mud hut party we had Jordan and I sat on the roof and talked a lot about a lot of stuff, and it was probably the most intimate (in a non-romantic way) moment I have had with a single person in some time. He said he and some of my other friends are genuinely concerned for me and I explained some of my emotions and how important he is to me and we got a better understanding of each other and he just helped me out a lot. We also talked about less important stuff, but it was a really good experience. The rest of the evening was fun too.
The next day when we were driving around a creepy old man drove up next to us while we were laughing and said something about how we were having a good time, and he had to have fun by himself and started making this jacking off motion, so we laughed awkwardly and drove off pretty quickly.

I got in a fight of sorts with a woman at wal-mart the other night. I was a person or 2 behind her in line, and her credit card wasn't working so a manager had to come over to help the cashier. The whole time the woman was being a bitch to both of them. i got fed up really fast with both her attitude and the slow line, so I picked my stuff up to leave, but before I left i told her " you know, just because you may have had a bad day, that doesn't mean you have to be a cunt to people who are just trying to do their job." and Then I left after a little smile exchanged with the cashier. Then in the parking lot, my box of sodas broke and I had to clean the up from all over and she walked out and just passed me, laughing, to which I told her to go to hell. it was entertaining.

Next weekend my friends and I are going to the Cocorosie concert! I'm so excited! they are so weird! And my friends who moved away are coming for it too! I will post a couple of their songs... So weird!





Umm... I think that is everything. So yeah!
Post again soon...
~Anton

Relentless

...that's the one word I can give life at the moment. One thing after another keeps turning up. School, homework, friends, clubs... all sorts of stuff. And I need a job but I really don't have time.

I am working on changing my eating habits. I am eating less meat, like 75% of what I usually eat. I used to be a vegetarian, and I may go back to it. I can not support that cruel industry in good conscience though, it is disgusting what we can do to other living creatures. And I am also trying to eat less. i have gained 5 pounds since school started and I am not going to let the freshman 15 conquer me!

Daniel (from QSA) came over Saturday for a Mud Hut. It was just me, him, one of his friends who left before we fell asleep and Stephanie. We drank a bit, not too much though, i promise, and then the two of us fooled around a bit. Not too much though cuz we were both tired. :P I credit anything that happened to the alcohol because I feel like he doesn't like me as much normally, but I don't know, I get mixed signals. He did buy my lunch the next day when we went shopping. :)

Oh, here is a pic of Sam, me (in the middle) and Jordan after the 80s party. haha, Jordan is so hot! And absolutely perfect, and my 2nd favorite person in the world, but we are just friends :P


I am on the 2nd book in the Hunger Games series and they get better and better all the time. I LOVE them!

Hmmm... some people really need to figure out when they have overstayed their welcome in my life. I don't want them there anymore, but they keep making appearances. Its so annoying, but I also don't want to say anything directly because that is tactless.

I'll keep you posted!
~Anton <3

So Tired

Hello! So college and extracurricular stuff and friends has kept me pretty excessively busy. I'm literally at home for a little more than to sleep, get ready, surf the web for a few hours and sometimes eat. Just a short time ago I couldn't get out of the house enough, but I like it better this way.

So i went to Las Cruces last weekend and had a blast. Rocky Horror Picture Show was great, and there were A LOT of hot gay boys there, several of whom were wearing nothing more than underwear! I'm going next year in costume and I will be even better!! The rest of the trip was... crazy. But fun! I really miss not having all of the group in one place. But its only a 3ish hour drive and could be a lot worse. On the way down my friend that I was going with and me almost became the wicked witch of the west. A semi carrying a mobile home cut me off out of nowhere and nearly crushed us, but fortunately the car I was driving had good breaks, but you could smell the burning rubber for minutes after and I was shaking from the whole thing like crazy.

The boy from QSA and i have been texting a bit and went shopping one day. I think he is just a bit awkward and I get mixed signals from him, but we'll see how things go. I 'might' consider a relationship with him because he is so different than other guys that I'm typically attracted to. Tomorrow we are having an 80s party, so that should be very interesting.

IDK when I will start posting as often as I used to again cuz I am so busy, but I will try to do 2 posts a week or at least one and get all the big stuff in.
~Anton

Stress and Happiness

Hello!!!!
So, this is my 1st post from my NEW LAPTOP!!!! It is AMAZING! Most of the cost was covered by my godmother, which was incredible helpful. I have been quite miserable with my desktop being broken. Anyways, it has a 17.3" screen, a top of the line sound system, a camera, 500GB hard drive and like a bazillion other amazing features, and it only cost a little over $800, including tax.

School has been absolutely exhausting and I am a bit behind still, but tomorrow is my last day for the week, and it cant come fast enough.

However, today was my 2nd Queer-Straight-Alliance meeting and it was great. We divided into teams and went on a photo scavenger hunt across campus. That was a lot of fun and my team came in 3rd place. There is also a boy there that I was talking to last week, and tonight I got his number and I'll text him a little tomorrow. He is kinda cute and dorky and sweet... I still don't want a relationship, but I would go on a few dates with him and see where things go.
Next week the QSA is having an 80s party, and we are gonna get all dressed up and it should be super fun!

This weekend I am going down to Las Cruces to see my friends down at NMSU and to go to a Rocky Horror Picture Show thing they are having. I cant wait for that!!!

Thats about it. Besides being a little stressed and some people being totally ridiculous, I am a happy camper. Just very very busy.
~Anton

Bitches and Boys

Hey! short post tonight, cuz its late and I gotta get up early.
~The queer straight alliance thing was great! Tons of cute boys, 2 of which I have a rather strong desire to break up and get with myself, one from my English class and another I flirted with quite a bit. I'll get his number next week. We couldn't find the gay club we wanted to go to, I think its only open Trurs-Sat... and we went to the meeting with one of Steph's friends who happens to be in a wheel chair for a bit, so even if we did find it, we may not have even gone in.
~So this bitch on facebook posted something like "Eew, a lesbian just winked at me, wheres my holy water?" So there is this huge fight on her comment and I post this long thing telling her to fuck off. It was really interesting, and I'd post the whole thing, but the bitch deleted it. Any who, i unfriended her and life's good now, especially cuz shes so butt-hurt about it.
Good night! I love you
~Anton

10 Days Later...

HELLOOOOO!!!! I wish I could have posted earlier, because I have had a lot to tell. But last week my $1500 computer crashed, I don't have the money to get it fixed, I don't post on the downstairs in case may parents find a link that I would forget to erase to my blog, and I hate using our old laptop... but I needed to post, cuz I feel bad for waiting so long to do so.

The big news: COLLEGE STARTED!!! I like it quite a lot, even though I am stuck with my bitch friend for way too much of it. But she is tolerable and I have 2 amazing professors. The others are okay or crappy, but these 2 make it all worth it. And I like only having classes 4 days a week.

I started a great book called The Hunger Games. Read it! Its great! there are 3 in the series I think.

Jessica's parents who had originally stoped her from moving to Las Crucas for college changed their minds, which is good for her, but a bit sad for me. So now its mostly me Jordan and Sam, but I don't really see them tooo much anymore, which sucks. But its ok, cuz we are still close.

I haven't met a lot of cool new people yet, but I'm working on it. I was quite sick on Thursday and really anti-social in all my classes. But I'm feeling a lot better now!!

Tomorrow I am going to the Queer Straight Alliance meeting with Steph, and I'm excited to meet some potential gay boys there, and they have free food! After that we are gonna go check out a gay club, which I'm even more excited for!

I don't have so much to say right now, cuz I just wanted to catch you all up, but I'll start posting on the laptop, even though I don't like it.

~Anton

Opening the New Chapter

Hello!!
So things are good! My dad still isn't back from detox and I LOVE not having that piece of shit around. My BFF is getting back from Sweden tomorrow, so I can text her again. I have been seeing Ethan quite a bit, and I hung out with Ben this past week. My friend who moved away for college is back in town this weekend and tomorrow we are gonna celebrate hers and Jordan's birthdays at Olive Garden, hopefully... Its not well planned.haha.

Tomorrow I'm gonna go shopping for school things and the day after I have a freshman thing at UNM and I will hopefully go get my books for my classes. To pay for them I am getting $600 from my godmother and about $300 from my mom, so together I should have a couple hundred more than I need so I will have some spending cash!!! :)

Today I went to a thing at UNM with one of my favorite people ever and I got a ton of free stuff and some good food. It was a blast!

I don't have much more to say, so here are a couple music videos, i guess. :P


Despite what a lot of you think, I LOVE him, here is Adam being fucking gorgeous and awesome.


And I love the 'fuck you' message in this song, yet it comes across as sweet. And Sara Bareilles is absolutely gorgeous and talented.

That's about it. At least as far as big news goes... go FORMSPRING ME!!! haha, or not...
<3
~Anton

The Blood on the Walls

Hello! So I'm back from taking a break. Life has been chaotic between friends and family stuff.
I haven't been up to too much out to the ordinary myself... I have just been seeing my friends or hanging out at home. One of my friends moved yesterday because she is going to NMSU which is only 4 hours away, but its still sad.
An odd thing happened yesterday. As I was walking gown our stairs I noticed a considerable about of dried blood on the wall. I know it hadn't been there that morning, and I was the only one home for most the day. It was very strange, and it was at different heights on the wall as well...
My dad has been in detox the past 4 days, and has not been missed at all. He can rot in there for all I care. My apathy has greatly annoyed my mom, who still won't take any responsibility for her actions. I am continuing to look for a job and a place to live.
As far as my drinking which was greatly concerned in the last post... I do not think it is excessive, I know I can stop, and I am stopping before school starts anyways. I knew the 2 or so weeks between when I returned from Utah and when people started leaving for college would be a bit crazy... but I have the situation well under control and I am going to stop so I can focus on school, which starts in a week from today.
I am very excited for school... It should be a great experience.
Love you all
~Anton

BUSTED

FUCK! Well this weekend was total shit. This is gonna be a not so friendly bitchy rant post too. I'm PISSED! and I decided I don't swear enough on here because I swear a lot in real life.

So Thursday things went to hell for Jess who's dad found her pot stash. Shes not in huge trouble, but she killed her trust with him and isn't allowed out of the house too much. That night was fine. The rest of us just watched movies and whatever. Friday morning we all met up to go to the amusement park, and that went fine too. We got tired of the park and really hot so we headed to Jordan's house for our weekend long party that we have been planning forever. I was super excited because John was coming, and I have never partied with him before. There was about 15 of us there, maybe 10 drinking, and it was all pretty normal and relaxed. John, however was taking shots like every round when most of us were only doing 1/2 or 3/4 of the rounds everyone was taking. I was pretty much keeping pace with him and I wasn't really fucked up or anything cuz I'm a heavyweight. John said it took him like 12 to get pretty fucked up, and we both made it to 10, which no one would have let John get to if anyone was paying attention. Well, apparently John is a much lighter weight than he thought and he got TOTALLY SHIT-FACED!
He stared of being normal funny drunk or whatever, and we were kinda cuddled up on the couch watching shark week and it was really nice and whatever. Then he was just getting reckless, and ended up getting in the fucking pool. A couple people were already in there, but there was the shallow end/swimming buddy/only if you are 'tipsy' rule, but John was too fucked up to care. So Bri and I get in with him and are baby sitting him trying to get him slowly to the stairs, but he is a mess and yeah. Oh, and before he got to his worse point and we were in there fucking Madison (who I LOATHE) convinced me and John to make out a bit, and I was not thinking, but then I finally figured out it was wrong. Then eventually John tries to take off my swimming trunks and so I stop him and hes like "Oh, I'm sorry" and whatever and stops. so eventually he kinda starts freaking out and Jordan comes out and we get him out and Jordan talks to him and I* stay on pool duty in case he gets back in cuz I'm coherent enough to do so.
He starts throwing up a bit so we get a bag and move him into the bathroom. He is still freaking out and crying and confessing things he never normally would. So we get him over the toilet and this mother fucker starts like passing out on us and is totally non responsive and were slapping him and splashing water on him to wake him up. No one is nearly as bad as he is, and Bri Sam Jordan and I are taking turns taking are of him, helping him throw up, and feeding him bread and giving him water and what not for 2 1/2 fucking hours and the dumb ass is still not fully functioning.
THEN his fucking curfew rolls around and him moms like "HOME! NOW!" so we're like oh fuck and then shes like "get your ass home or I'm calling the cops up there" so we start panicking a little and text her back that hes on his way. So we get him clothed cuz he was swimming in his underwear and Jordan and I frog-march him home with some others as look outs. His little brother was texting us from inside and was incredibly helpful. So Jordan and I take him in and he still cant walk all that well and his moms yelling down the top of the stairs and sends his brother down and then we hear "Get those boys out of here, your dad's waking up and they don't want to be here for that" so Jordan and I book it out of there back to his house where the others are hiding all the evidence of ANYTHING illegal, and doing a damn good job of it.
We get our cover story together and its really good and whatever, so I text Brittany and tell her what to say if John or Jordan's moms ask anything which is totally not incriminating and super easy and she is all like "Well I don't really want to and as forewarning I will tell the truth if I'm asked" and we are like you fucking bitch, I know there might be some trouble involved, but we wouldn't think twice about helping you out if you needed it, way to be an awesome friend. But no cops are called or anything and we look scott free, so we go to bed.
In the morning Jordan gives him mom the cover story and whatever and we clean up and get ready for tonight. Brittany's little brother tells us her boyfriend, who none of us really like is planning to come over. Without Jordan's permission. So he texts her and is like "Its cool if Nathan comes over, but it would be awesome if you could ask me first" and shes all like " well its your brothers house too, and you guys seem to have a problem hanging out with Nathan, so I have a problem hanging out with all of you" so we are all fuck no,, and Jordan and her get into a big text argument and she is being an irrational bitch who is obviously brain washed by her boy friend. TRUST ME, I looked at this objective. So shes kinda on the outs, but in a couple days I'm gonna try to make peace with her cuz we have a ton of classes together and I feel like I need to for that fact, but not really any other. I'm PISSED at her dumb ass. But anyways, mid-day Jordan gets a call from his mom who had just talked to Johns mom and got the story from her and she is PISSED!! So we are all supposed to go home and Jordan is in DEEP SHIT. But some of us stay anyways and help him out and just vent with him and hang out. Then I take the others who are still left to their cars, call Jess (who has also upset most of us, but I'll perhaps share that story another day) and then I head home.
So out of our group, 2 are moving to another city for college, one is a total bitch, ones in super deep shit, and then 2 of us are whatever. This is not how its supposed to be!!!! I'm starting a search for new friends in college though, so we'll see how that goes.

Before I left for that adventure I found a cooler of beers that belongs to my dad. I FUCKING HATE THAT WORTHLESS FUCKING FUCKTARD!!!!!! I TOLD MY MOM TO NOT GO BACK TO HIS DUMB ASS AND LOOK WHATS HAPPENED OVER THE PAST 2 MONTHS!!! I FUCKING HATE BOTH MY PATENTS!!!!!!!! At least my moms not drinking and my dads hopefully going to detox again tomorrow. I told him this was the one warning they would get and then after that I'm gone forever, and I have talked to my mom about it today too. If he stars again after this detox trip either him or I are gonna leave and IDK where I will go, but it wont be this shit hole. I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE!!!!! UGH!

So yeah, that's whats up.... I may have forgot something, and I'll post it later if I did but I'm fucking tired and pissed and I'm gonna take a couple shots and watch Pirates of the Caribbean and have a good time./ Don't worry about the alcohol, I'm just stressed as FUCK!
~Anton

The Hottest Man in Existance

Adam Lambert is probably the most vocally talented artists out there right now. Well... in my opinion. His concert was defiantly one of the best I have ever seen. I could totally go to a few more of them and not complain one bit. I had a surprisingly hard time finding a friend to take however. Everyone who wanted to go was busy and the rest wouldn't go with me. But I finally got one of my friends I haven't seen in like forever to agree to go, and she was a lot of fun. By far the biggest disappointment of the evening was the fact that John really wanted to come, but couldn't because of work. Once we got in the theater my parents went to the balcony and my friend and I went went down to the floor. We got a fantastic spot, 15 or 20 feet from the stage.
Allison Iraheta, who was one on my favorites from the same season of American Idol that Adam was on opened, and she was AMAZING! i loved her cover of Heart breaker too. She really connected with the audience and she is so talented. It was the perfect opening for him.
We pushed our way up a bit more before Adam came out, nearly to the front, and once he came out my mind just exploded with his hotness and amazingness. And his bass player, Tommy, and one of his dancers are REALLY hot too. His outfits were so good and all of his songs really were great. He played a lot of his lesser known ones and he sadly didn't do For Your Entertainment, but everything he did was great, especially Fever, if I Had You and Aftermath. Those two in particular were amazing. He is so sexy! And i was so close to the stage so I was just taking everything in. It was one of the best nights ever, besides John not being there. If he was I would have probably made some kind of move, which would probably be stupid, but it was Adam Lambert so I wouldn't really care. His songs would have created the perfect atmosphere and we would have been so close and it would have been perfect. There were so many adorable gay boys there and I flirted with one a bit, but mostly I just wanted John to be there.
I also got dresses up all cute and got the guy liner on and I just had a good time. I also spent $75 on a ton of his stuff. XD

Here is Adam and Tommy at the concert that I was out. HOT DAMN!!!!!

Other than that I have been seeing my friends mostly. Tomorrow some of us are going to the amusement park in Albuquerque... although its rather pathetic. Then this weekend were spending most of it at Jordan's house and that should be fun. i need to go buy books kinda soon for school, which I'm not looking forward to, but I do want school to start. It should be a lot of fun.

Love you all!
~Anton

Monsters in My House

Well I'm home. Its not particularly happy for me in any case, but I'll live.
Somewhat to my surprise and disappointment both my parents were home. I though at least one of them would still be in detox, but my dad was sent home the same day because he had really low blood alcohol levels and my mom left early to go to the hospital for heart palpitations. In addition to that, there is a creepy dog in my house. He belongs to my moms friend, and her friends son was supposed to watch him, but he got arrested again, so she offered to take him. He is really creepy and pathetic. I kinda feel bad for him.

My flight back to NM was fine. My neighbors picked me up which we really nice because that means less time with my parents. Besides dinner I have been in my room unpacking most the day. Jess is coming over later to hang out and I'm really excited to see all of my friends! they have been like the only thing keeping me from moving to Utah permanently... and even so, I have a couple good friends in Salt Lake too... Including my best friend.

Tomorrow should be amazing. I'm going to an ADAM FUCKING LAMBERT CONCERT!!!!!!! He's SO fucking hot and amazing and OMFG i can't wait!!! I'm taking Jess and sadly my parents are going to but whatever... its Adam Lambert. I LOVE him!
~Anton