Saturday, June 18, 2011

Back in New Mexico

So I have been home for a few days now. I haven't been having the social life I would have liked to come back to, but that is alright. I really considered this being the 'last post' but I think I will wait a while longer.

Utah was a lot of fun, I kept busy and saw a lot of people. Pride was probably the best part. I made out with a cute boy to piss off some protesters and it was just overall a good day, besides my sunburn. I also hooked up with a fairly cute guy up there. I had my birthday while I was up there (thank you Alan for the birthday wish) and I got like $300 worth of clothes and $500 cash, which I have no complaints about. It was the best birthday I have had in at least 3 years though. It may not have been the best visit up there, but I enjoyed myself.

Things at home are alright. My parents are both sober, for now. I expect that to change soon though, just cuz of my pessimistic nature. My dads company is being sold and there is a good chance he will lose his job within a year, which will set him off. Also, money is generally just really tight with my parents now. They are strugling with some of the bills. I don't know what the fuck they do with our money, cuz we should have more based on their incomes and our lifestyle. oh well... I have started paying for more of my own stuff to help them out. I am going to start looking for a job in early July, so I can become even more financially independent.

~If~ they start drinking again, I am not gonna deal with it this time. My plan is as follows:
-Withdraw all the money from my bank accounts, including the joint one I have with my mom.
-Pack up ALL of my stuff I can fit into my car, take it to a friends, and live with them until the end of the semester, and pay a couple hundred dollars rent to help them.
-Finish whatever semester I am in, and drop out of UNM.
-Drive myslef and all my shit to Utah, and move in with my godmother.
-Take a year off of school to work and save money.
-Enroll at the University of Utah, get an apartment and start my life and never speak to my parents again.

I am done fighting them, and this is what I am going to do if they are gonna start pulling dumb shit again.

One of my other big stress factors at the moment is the fact that my cars transmission might be dying. I'm not sure, and it is still running, but idk what the hell I am gong to do if I need a new car. ugh.

I have been somewhat more suicidal than I have been in about 6 years for the past several weeks. No worries, I wont do anything, but things just see much more bleak and pointless and nothing matters as much as it used to, not that it did much in the 1st place. If I had the money I would consider therapy, but that isnt gonna happen, so I will stick with my self medication.

The next couple weeks are probably going to be pretty crazy. I plan on partying a lot and maybe trying some new stuff. I have good self control, so no need to worry about me. I am just gonna enjoy my summer and thats that. Warped Tour is in a little over a week, and that will be my big event for the summer. It should be lots of fun.

I will probably be concluding this blog in a month or so when things look more stable, and I can leave you with closure with the parent drama and such.
Love you all


  1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Sorry I missed it (the partying at least).

    I'm really sorry about the situation with your parents, it's a real shame you have to deal with that while you should be concentrating on getting your education, but at least you have a plan should things go badly with them.

    As to your tranny: check the fluid level...make sure it's at the FULL line. Other than that, pray hard. Trannies ain't cheap to fix.

    Have fun partying. I promise I won't worry as long as you maintain that self control. Just remember that there's a lot of crap out there that is almost instantly addictive, and/or instantly fatal.

    Understand the closing of the blog. Hate to see you go, but hey, when you're done, you're done. I appreciate your honest sharing of your life, and believe me, it's been helpful in its own way in my own sorting out all this "being gay" stuff. Thanks.

    Peace <3

  2. Hi there, Anton

    I've just realised it has been well over six months since you last posted here. I hope life has been good for you since then, whether you're in Arizona or Utah (or somewhere else) now. Bets of luck for the future, wherever and whatever it is for you.

    Take care


  3. Hi there, Anton

    I dropped in on the spur of the moment, and realised it's over a year since you posted. I'm not sure you'll get this, but I hope life is still going well for you, whatever you're doing.

    Take care


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