Tuesday, March 30, 2010

My worlds at peace, or Im in the eye of a storm. Either way, Im happy

Hey guys! How are you??

Anyways, yesterday was one of the craziest in a long time. I won’t go into detail and bore you, but there was a lot of good that came out of it, and some difficulties, but over all I went to bed a happy person last night.

School was incredibly normal, and not much to say there. As far as after school, things got interesting. John came over to take pictures of Rabbit for his photography class. It was super cool cuz she put beautiful make-up on half of her face and left the other half plain. It was super pretty and creative.

The topic of Prom came up, and following the direction of the conversation I asked him...HE SAID YES!!!
Not only did he say he would go with me, but when I told him my plan with my parents he got really excited and said he'd LOVE to be my come-out date!!!
Today I told my mom that I had a date but I wouldn’t tell her who, which annoyed her. I just told her that she "would meet them at the before party." I’m really excited and scared.

After that we went and got some delicious doughnuts and went to Peacocks house to meet a German foreign exchange student, play life and smoke hookah. We kinda cold shouldered Peacock a bit and made our point a little more clear. Then we went to Taco Bell and all of us refused to borrow money from him, as we intended to break ties with him. Then we went to walk around on the golf course by Dolphins house and there we confronted them.
We made our case, told them how we felt and how hurt and pissed we were. They knew what they did was wrong. Instead of kicking Peacock out, which I wanted, we just suspended him from hang outs and sleep over’s for about 2 weeks... he thought it was fair and we could tell he felt guilty. He also told me in confidence that he realized how much he needed us. I now know that we do in fact have power over him if he acts up again.
As far as Dolphin, she started crying really hard last night during the confrontation and was saying things like "I don’t deserve your love" and whatnot. Now for anyone who thinks that they could contend with the weirdness of me and my friends, you are sorely wrong. We comforted her be all taking off some of our clothes to put over her to warm her up cuz she was so cold, at one point leaving Peacock and Panda in nothing but their underwear. We sand Tik Tok at the top of our voices over the golf course until the sprinklers came on. We went to another area, fully clothed again, and invented a new tag game called ‘Sea Bear’ (from SpongeBob) and ran around like idiots in the black of night. Then we raced to a park and almost killed ourselves running there. We wrote love songs about the Taco Bell worker named Dee Dee, out Natural Disasters teacher and a ton of other random shit. It was awful, but very fun. Things seem to be going well on that front, although it still isn’t what I wanted. I just had to compromise a bit.

Today I had a parent teacher conference and I have a 4.2 GPA, proving to myself that even though I'm not the good kid I used to be, I can balance social life and school very well.
I also have been eating black berries and blasting Lady Gaga, making me all that happier.
Things are certainly better.
Hope I didn’t bore you

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Crashing Down

Today has not been my day. I am really miserable right now. My head is racing with negative thoughts, my iPod insists on playing depressing music, and people are causing me so many problems right now.

I’m scared about the whole John thing and tomorrow we are starting the war with Peacock to get him out of the group.
Noelle (from Dark Orchid) was being obnoxious when I saw her earlier; even though most of our conversation was good... it just brought me down a bit.
IttyK is being selfish and stupid and making some decisions that are gonna hurt her and me... It actually drove me to tears earlier, which hasn’t happened in quite a while.
My mom is continually bitching me out about not finding a job, but I am sustaining my social life all on my own and she is just making me feel bad about not being ambitious. I should get one, but she is just being a bitch, and my dad backs her up.
They also blame me for losing my house key, even though I think it was stolen, because, as they know, I am super careful with everything. I can’t remember the last thing I lost. After that is the 2nd time I broke down in tears tonight. Life is completely overwhelming me today.
I also got some really disappointing news too, but it’s not even important and I won’t get into it now... but it kinda hurt after what happened yesterday, which kinda made me excited. Maybe I'll explain some other day =/ sorry, idk why I brought that up. Its making me wanna cry for a 3rd time though.

This is completely turned around from Friday. I was excited about John and the war with Peacock. I went dress shopping with my friends for prom and had a blast helping making them all look amazing. I even got a confidence boost from myself when I accidentally checked myself out in a mirror in Dillard’s and was like "Ooh! Cute gay boy!" but it was me... I know. Lame, but it felt good anyways.
We are also making friends with a cashier named Dee Dee at Taco Bell. I know... weird. But she is really cool and gives us free drinks. I’m oddly attracted to her, not in a sexual way, but just her personality. She is very intriguing. IDK.
We also finished our revised version of our Life game that we were working super hard on and got to play it.

The best part of my day was an invite from my uncle and his wife to go live with them for a while this summer in Oregon and work on her Sons State Senate campaign. It sounds awesome, but I’m not sure if I will have time.

Everything was so good on Friday, but it has all kinda been fucked up today. At least I do have a few good things going on and I will deal with it all. It’s just seems like much more bad has happened to me today then good and it sucks.
Anyways, have a good night.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

The Last Battle, Explosions of Emotions, and Prom Plans...

I know I said I wasn’t gonna really talk about friend drama anymore... but I will add this last update. Compromise and compassion were pushed out the window last Wednesday. We were at my house drinking a little and while me and 2 others were inside, Peacock was in the mud hut fingering Dolphin... in front of Rabbit! And then later denied it. And he wasn’t even drunk; he still had all his judgment. He is just fucking selfish and stupid. Then he goes on this rant about how he can kill a Bear in a one on one fight. It just showed how stupid he really is and how far up his own ass he is.
This is the last offense in a long line of them. He is out. We are in the process of figuring out how to do it and what effect we wanna cause. We are also gonna smack dolphin on the wrist, but we have chosen to keep her because of the larger problems that would cause. She can leave on her own if she wants and we won’t fight it, but Peacock is out one way or another.

In other news my emotions are exploding. I am changing emotions and moods constantly, and they usually conflict each other in many ways. I have the drama with friends, excitement about the summer and a few other things, but most of it has to do with relationships/love. First off, I keep getting these 'looks' from this one guy, who I admit is cute, but is an ass... and then I feel like a keep flirting with this other kid, but I have no idea what’s really going on, and I’m not all that interested. There are a couple other little things going on too, but nothing big or realistic or even interesting... Oh, and the situation with IttyK seems to be getting worse... IDK.
I'm kinda having a relapse with John. (If you don’t know who john is, go back to my posts from the end of last year) We got really excited together over the Lady Gaga Telephone music video premier, and had a great time at the mall about a week ago. Then after healthcare passed we got into a great conversation about it and I hoped that he would realize how perfect we are for each other. Didn't happen. We don’t seem to get along all the time anyways, and he has his hook-up buddy, CJ.

So this brings me to my Prom plans. I am going to ask John. Probably Monday, and probably just as friends. I don’t expect him to say yes, and I don’t even necessarily want him to. I will offer, because he is my friend and he is a Junior and won’t be able to go unless he goes with a Senior. He may already be going with some other friends anyways, and in that case I will probably just go with my friends.
My whole motive to have him come would be to have the before party at my house and introduce him to my parents as my prom date... and come out to them that way. I will, of course need to run that by him first, but I don’t see him opposing to it. I don’t even care what he does once we get there, I just kinda want him for the before party with my parents.
There is probably about a 20% chance that it will all work out, but I will try. Otherwise I will wait and see what happens and not push anything.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Faith Restored

Tonight the Senate Reconciliation Health care Bill passed in the House 219 yea - 211 nay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Credit Nancy Pelosi for this. I may not have liked her a few years ago, but since Obama took charge she has been the only solid source of Democratic leadership we have had. But i do have to credit Obamas deal with Rep. Stupac and other anti-abortion democrats to eliminate the possibility of federal funding for abortions. Although I would have liked to see it pass with that still in it, it was necessary and a well played political move by Obama.

I have waited 15 months to see some god damn change and here it is. I now believe that Congress is capable of doing what needs to be done for the interest of America, even if it isn't totally willingly. It isn't the best bill in the world, but it is all we could have hoped for...

It was especially sweet using Reconciliation against Republicans to pass it with a simple majority, so we could keep a lot of the really important stuff in there. Just a day or two ago protesters were spitting at Democratic Congressmen and cursing them out. They were shouting "Nigger" and other awful derogatory terms toward black Congressmen and shouted 'Faggot" at Rep. Barny Frank. Some Congressmen said it was as bad as the Civil Rights Act passed in the 60s as far as the mentality of the crowd.

It was sooo funny seeing Minority Leader Boehner flit out as he pleaded to democrats to vote against it! He looked just like the fucking idiot he is!

As the bill reached the 216 needed to pass the democrats on the floor of the house were cheering and began the classic chant of "Yes We Can!" I would have died to be there tonight, and yes, i know I'm a nerd, but i love politics! Even though it isn't as great as what i hoped for when health care debates started, tonight was still at least as exciting to me as election night 2008. This needed to be done and here it is!!!

Now the Senate has to pass major amendments to the bill, which will take a long time and will be another major battle, but the main portion has been passed.

I will shut up now, but i am sooooooo fucking excited! I didn't expect this and now i am overwhelmed with joy!!!

Thank you Congress!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

More Philosophy

So 1st things 1st. I wanna introduce a new blog and give a shout out to another.
First off, I have this neighbor that we shall call Noelle. She is 13 and has all sorts of stress going on, so I helped her set up a blog today to help her vent and stuff. I don’t think she has posted yet, but follow her and check it out when she does.
Second, Check out Ben's World. He is awesome, and writes really well. He lives like 20 minutes away from me too, which is pretty cool!

Also today my dad and I went to this burger place in Albuquerque that we were told was really good. It wasn’t.
The food wasn’t bad, well, the fries were, but it was scary! It is called 'Lumpies' or something really unappealing like that; it’s on a really shady part of Central Ave. in Albuquerque (NOT where you wanna be if you are a 125 pound white boy like me). You line up outside and write down your order on paper bags with red crayons and go up to pay and just wait for it off to the side with all these ghetto-ass cars zooming by. It was super expensive and greasy so I don’t recommend it to any Albuquerquians out there or people who might visit one day.

Now on to the philosophy. When our friend from Texas was here we shared a lot of our philosophies. Like me he comes up with a lot of his own philosophies and stuff. Although he is 'gay' he strongly advocates Pansexuality. He thinks that physical attraction (being straight, bi or gay) is one thing, but people all have a pansexual side. Pansexuality is simply the love of the soul, no matter what the person’s sex or appearance are. IDK how I wasn’t aware of 'pansexuality' up to this point in my life. We talked about it for a long time and specifically explained it. It was really fascinating, and it explains a lot of emotions that I have. Anyways, you might wanna research it more.

I am freaking scared about the Healthcare vote going on in Congress this weekend! If it doesn’t pass I will have officially lost all faith in Americans and out political process. I am not hopeful that it will pass, but… *fingers crossed!*

And you guys have sucked at asking me things on Formspring lately!
Love you!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Im Alive!

OMFG! I’m so sorry it’s taken me forever to post something! It’s my Spring Break and I'm living it up! We have an old friend that is visiting from Texas who is super fucking cool and really cute... but he has a boyfriend. Also I think vodka may have opened us up well enough to salvage our group from kicking someone out... I am also in contact with my best friend from elementary school that I haven't talked to in years and years... it’s really cool.

So I have decided to stop bitching about my friends... I do it too much and I know it isn’t very interesting. I do have some love interests and issues, but those can wait. For the next post or two I’m just gonna be sharing my philosophical nonsense.

Today I’ll talk about '___ism's. The way I think about it is that there are two scales that people can call on that are independent from each other, but often times coincide.

World Perspective: Optimist <<>> Objectivist <<>> Pessimist
Operating Style: Idealist <<>> Pragmatist <<>> Realist

People fall on both of these scales and usually they line up like I have written them.

To clarify; here is how I use all of these terms in my model
-An Optimist is somebody who tends to feel hopeful and positive about future outcomes.
-An Objectivist is someone who thinks that moral truths or external objects exist independently of the individual mind or perception.
-A Pessimist is somebody who always expects the worst to happen.

-A Realist is somebody who only considers things as they are or appear to be, and avoids ideals and abstractions.
-A Pragmatist is someone who looks for compromise and wants to make everyone as happy as possible.
-An Idealist is someone who looks for and expects the best things to happen for everyone, no questions asked.

I am mostly a Pessimistic-Realist... For me I like pessimism because you aren’t disappointed when things go badly and are extra happy when good things happen. As far as my realism, I don’t see any other way to operate. Yes, my pessimism interferes a bit with seeing everything, but over all I have trained myself to make quick and logical decisions with a pretty good success rate based on looking at things realistically.
By nature I dislike Idealists because they miss major points that hinder what they want to happen from taking shape. They waste time and energy on tasks that can’t be accomplished. Pragmatists just make idealistic ideas seem realistic, but usually change little or nothing, unless they are very good at what they do.
Optimists are let down to easily and make themselves vulnerable to disappointment. Objectivists, however are able to identify all points and make fair judgments, which is incredibly rare and useful.

Of course this is just how I view all of these things. I believe my model works, but it is open to interpretation. I hope in interested you.

And at the very least check out the last like paragraph of IttyK's post and help her out if you can =) http://ittyk.blogspot.com/2010/03/descending-into-madness.html

Thursday, March 11, 2010

My 2 Wars

1: The Unexpected
So one of my 'friends' that is kinda in our group is a total bitch! I have mentioned her a few times (under the name of Tiger) and at this point I’m pissed at her. At lunch we were sitting around in our usual spot and I finished my friend’s muffins and being too lazy to get up and throw it away, I throw it at Dolphin so she will do it. Then she throws it back at me and I throw it at rabbit and we just toss it at each other for like a minute; pretty innocent, right? then I toss it to tiger who like runs over and fucking attacks me! she like rips out my hair and we almost get into a full on fight, but I figure it’s bad to fight a girl, even if I’m barely stronger then her. whatever. Any who, at the end of lunch I pour my water bottle on her and storm off... I doubt we will be ok for a long time even though she sent a note along with Panda to Rabbits house after school sincerely apologizing. I have never been one to forgive easily and she crossed the line and totally over reacted.

2: The Expected War
Our group was hanging out today, everyone except for Peacock. Turtle, who keeps trying to win Dolphin back was there, and earlier wrote her a 3 page note telling her how important she is to him. The rest of us have been PISSED at how long their break up took and how she dragged it out. She keeps leading both boys on and sending mixed signals to Turtle. Because of that he thinks there is still hope, even when there really isn’t. We all adore him, he is such a good person but Dolphin is shallow and stupid and selfish. When we were at Taco Bell today, before Peacock arrived, she was secretly caressing Turtles leg under the table... he told me about it later in the day. Peacock showed up and it was soooo awkward, especially when Peacock and Dolphin kissed. Turtle pulled me aside and told me how hard it was for him, especially with what happened at Taco Bell.
We know that he has seen us as really good friends through this whole thing cuz we have all been on his side. This evening he sent me the following text: "Hey tell the gang I had a great time today with all of you guys but today was the last. Thank you all for all the great times. Good bye"
IDK what to make of it! Is it suicidal? Is it him surrendering to her bull shit she has put him through and giving up? IDK!!!
I am still talking to several people about it and formulating a plan. I will have less than 5 hours of sleep and I have a HUGE day tomorrow, but this is too big to ignore. We have decided to begin cutting like 90% of our ties with Dolphin and Peacock. Were done! they are inconsiderate and dramatic and this is TOTAL BULL SHIT!!! Way over the line!

I will keep you updated. I may not post again till like Monday. Big weekend, but I shouldn’t be doing anything too bad.
Any questions e-mail me or formspring me.

Love you!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

On the War Path


So it’s gotten to the point where we are gonna slowly drop Dolphin and Peacock from our group. If they don’t like it then they will clean up their act around us and stop making us feel uncomfortable. panda and I have been devising out battle plans to accomplish our goal, and tomorrow we are drawing the line in the sand, telling them where we stand, and giving them a week before we just stop inviting them to our parties and such.

It seems to be too easy for me to do this to them. I am a soulless cut-throat ass hole, but I have made myself that way to protect myself.
I would do well in politics.

My shingles is doing very well, it should be gone in a week or so I’m guessing.

Spring break is next week and with this turn of events with Dolphin and Peacock I’m not sure what all we're doing. I know Friday we are having a 25% clean bonfire, Saturday an old friend is coming into town. I kinda replaced him as gay of the group, and he is really cool, even though I don’t know him as well as everyone else. Sunday some of our group is shaving their heads for a St. Baldric’s fundraiser for cancer patients. It’s really cool of them to do, but I can’t part with my hair. We will probably have a party at Peacocks house sometime too cuz his mom is outta town. We will see what happens there with him and Dolphin, but I don’t expect good things...

We also learned about the Yellowstone volcano today in Natural Disasters. They are saying it could blow anytime and if it does it will cause a mass extinction. As scary and awful as that is it excites me, a lot. I dislike what humanity has done to Earth. We are a parasite and we need to have some kind of population control. IDK, I’m a sick person but, whatever. =)

I have been quite unhappy lately and i have been thinking a lot. Im sure i will share them with you soon enough...


Monday, March 8, 2010


First off, drama continues with friends, but everyone else is seeing things my way and I think we are gonna end up doing our own thing for a while. The shingles are doing alright, and are noticeably getting better. And homework (thesis in particular) has been time consuming and I’ve been catching up with some old friends, so my posting may be irregular, so sorry about that.

So Friday I went with my friends to see Alice in Wonderland. I thought it was very good. It was colorful, original and all around well done. I loved the cast and although it was lacking in some areas it was amazing.
I also finally watched UP. It was absolutely one of the best animated kid movies I have ever seen! I even cried a couple times during in, which isn’t common for me at all.
Another movie that I would recommend is Incendiary. It is very good and at least for me, thought provoking.
There are several movies I’m looking forward to seeing. One is the Hurt Locker, not only because it won all sorts of awards, but it just looks well done and interesting. Clash of the Titans looks like it may be interesting. The main one I’m looking forward to see is Percy Jackson and the Olympians. It looks like an alright story and fairly well done, but my major interest in Logan Lerman, who plays Percy. He is positively the most attractive thing in existence. I literally started salivating when I walked by a poster of him on my way to Alice in Wonderland. I can’t wait to go see it and just stare at his sexiness for 2 hours.

That’s about all I have for you today, sorry if I’ve been boring, but I am busy and stressed.
Love you guys!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Business and such.

1) I went to the doctor yesterday. I have shingles. It sucks, and is itchy and kinda hurts. I’m on an anti-viral regimen. fun fun.

2) Elsa and I are done fighting. I am happy about that.

3) I have been super stressed about my friends lately and they continue to piss me off. Not 3 days after Dolphin broke up with Turtle she was making out with Peacock. It’s like, SLOW IT DOWN! GOD! And to make things worse, they were doing it in front of me when I was alone with them which was really uncomfortable for me. They intentionally did it RIGHT IN FRONT of me and then the fucking ass holes told me off for making it awkward and staring, when I was just trying to mind my own business. I’m sorry, but I’m pissed at them and I’m hardly talking to them and I haven’t been hanging out with the group for a couple days. I am lobbying to get them kicked out of our group, but I don’t think I have enough support from everyone else so I will just deal with it.

4) I think I may be getting addicted to coffee. I love it, even though it doesn't really wake me up or anything. And it can’t be black or anything, but lattes are amazing.

5) I am once again caring a lot more that I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t even know who I’m really interested in who is a realistic option though. Its reeeally frustrating.

6) Thanks for the formspring questions, I enjoy answering them. Good job everyone! haha =)

7) I was proud of myself today when my English teacher wrote down something I said today during a class discussion. The fact that he thinks I’m quotable is cool.

8) This girl who is a friend of a few of my friends in Utah, and who I talked to once or twice tried to kill herself, but fortunately didn’t succeed. She seems really cool so I’m happy she’s ok. Suicide is EVERYWHERE lately, I know way too many suicidal people. This is NOT good! Gah!

Lately people all over are continually disappointing me in enumerable ways. And the doctor said stress is a probable cause of my shingles onset at such a young age. *sigh*

The Mud Hut...

So i a couple posts i talked about my "Mud Hut" and there was some confusion about what the hell it is. Basically think: African Hut...

New Mexico is super sandy and has little in the way of trees, well, the part I live in... up north is a lot better. There is also very little to do around here. One day a couple neighbors and i had this idea to make a building out of all the fine New Mexico dirt that we have soooo much of, and we started building. We mixed hay, mud, rocks, wood and whatever we could find all together into our basic, primitive adobe building material.

We would find other random things to stick in the walls like cinder blocks, 2X4's, metal wiring and even a cupboard, which we use and is just there, built into the wall.

My dad built a wooden roof over it for us and it is shingled and weather resistant. although we still need to put in some covering on the windows and get a real door, both are still just covered by sheets or fabric that serve as makeshift doors/shutters.

All together it took close to 2 years to build, and until my school friends started coming over, had seen little use, despite the hundreds of hours of work my neighbors ind I put into it... although building it was fun too.

Its 7 feet tall and has enough room for about 7 or 8 people to sleep, so its pretty big, although we have considered adding a second room so we can have more people over. But that sounds like way too much effort! haha

Its really cool and unique. I am proud of my mud hut!