Sunday, March 28, 2010

Crashing Down

Today has not been my day. I am really miserable right now. My head is racing with negative thoughts, my iPod insists on playing depressing music, and people are causing me so many problems right now.

I’m scared about the whole John thing and tomorrow we are starting the war with Peacock to get him out of the group.
Noelle (from Dark Orchid) was being obnoxious when I saw her earlier; even though most of our conversation was good... it just brought me down a bit.
IttyK is being selfish and stupid and making some decisions that are gonna hurt her and me... It actually drove me to tears earlier, which hasn’t happened in quite a while.
My mom is continually bitching me out about not finding a job, but I am sustaining my social life all on my own and she is just making me feel bad about not being ambitious. I should get one, but she is just being a bitch, and my dad backs her up.
They also blame me for losing my house key, even though I think it was stolen, because, as they know, I am super careful with everything. I can’t remember the last thing I lost. After that is the 2nd time I broke down in tears tonight. Life is completely overwhelming me today.
I also got some really disappointing news too, but it’s not even important and I won’t get into it now... but it kinda hurt after what happened yesterday, which kinda made me excited. Maybe I'll explain some other day =/ sorry, idk why I brought that up. Its making me wanna cry for a 3rd time though.

This is completely turned around from Friday. I was excited about John and the war with Peacock. I went dress shopping with my friends for prom and had a blast helping making them all look amazing. I even got a confidence boost from myself when I accidentally checked myself out in a mirror in Dillard’s and was like "Ooh! Cute gay boy!" but it was me... I know. Lame, but it felt good anyways.
We are also making friends with a cashier named Dee Dee at Taco Bell. I know... weird. But she is really cool and gives us free drinks. I’m oddly attracted to her, not in a sexual way, but just her personality. She is very intriguing. IDK.
We also finished our revised version of our Life game that we were working super hard on and got to play it.

The best part of my day was an invite from my uncle and his wife to go live with them for a while this summer in Oregon and work on her Sons State Senate campaign. It sounds awesome, but I’m not sure if I will have time.

Everything was so good on Friday, but it has all kinda been fucked up today. At least I do have a few good things going on and I will deal with it all. It’s just seems like much more bad has happened to me today then good and it sucks.
Anyways, have a good night.


  1. lol @you and the mirror in Dillards

    Oh man that does suck a lot.
    I just hope things get better for you really soon

    Take care

  2. Hey Anton... first of all.... HUGS!!!!! there, I hope that helps a little... Now, I'm going to give you my take on things from an older guys perspective... please bear with me!! lol

    I can picture your Mom and Dad riding you, probably relentlessly, to get a job... Now, I know it's irritating, and can wreck a day pretty quick, even a good one... But, I'll bet that one of the reasons you get sad about it, is because you know that they're right... I know, I know!! It's WAY irritating, but, you know that they're doing it because it's their job to mold you into a productive citizen for all of us AND for yourself!! They know, because they've been there, that being unproductive, can lead to all kinds of other problems that a young guy may not understand, for obvious reasons. They are trying to put you on the right path, out of an abundance of love, even tho it may not seem like it, when they bitch and yell about the same thing, over and over... lol

    You might think.. WTF... I'm dealing with all kinds of personal crisis and they're complicating things, and now, I just feel like s**t!!

    I felt the same way, at your age, although I started working VERY early (age 7, on a farm) and can't remember,ever being w/o a job... My parents harassed me with other things!!

    Your life, as you explain it, on your blog, is focused on your personal relationships... On some level, that's cool... But, the most happy people that I have met in my life, have managed a kind of perfect balance, that melds their personal and public lives... Getting out there, and finding a job, is a very important first step on the way to achieving this balance... And, the ironic thing is, that, w/o a job, you are actually cheating yourself out of a whole slew of possible personal contacts, I kid you not!! Most of the hottest guys I met in life, I wouldn't have met if I wasn't working at the time!!

    The love of my life at 21yrs. old, found me while I worked a 2nd job, at a bowling alley, of all places!! He would show up for a weekly league and while I was preparing the lanes for use (oiling them), he watched me in my clingy work pants, and after a while, I noticed him , and spent just a little longer in his area, blushing, sending glances, as I dared, and then, moving on, wishing that I could figure out a way to meet him... He was SO cute!! Well, kid, he was feeling the same way, and he finally picked his moment and introduced himself, while I took a break, and that started one of the coolest relationships of my youth!! All made possible by a stupid, silly, job at a bowling alley!! lol

    I never would have thought it possible when I took the job, but life is very strange.... I think, looking back, that, after what happened with Mike (my lover) and another hottie (Curtis) that I met at the same place, I would have worked there for free!! lol

    Well, gotta go, kid... I hope that gives you some food for thought... Keep at it; life is always changing and challenging us!! That's what makes it so interesting!! lol luv, tman<3

  3. Thank you! your perspective has definantly helped. =)