Saturday, March 27, 2010

The Last Battle, Explosions of Emotions, and Prom Plans...

I know I said I wasn’t gonna really talk about friend drama anymore... but I will add this last update. Compromise and compassion were pushed out the window last Wednesday. We were at my house drinking a little and while me and 2 others were inside, Peacock was in the mud hut fingering Dolphin... in front of Rabbit! And then later denied it. And he wasn’t even drunk; he still had all his judgment. He is just fucking selfish and stupid. Then he goes on this rant about how he can kill a Bear in a one on one fight. It just showed how stupid he really is and how far up his own ass he is.
This is the last offense in a long line of them. He is out. We are in the process of figuring out how to do it and what effect we wanna cause. We are also gonna smack dolphin on the wrist, but we have chosen to keep her because of the larger problems that would cause. She can leave on her own if she wants and we won’t fight it, but Peacock is out one way or another.

In other news my emotions are exploding. I am changing emotions and moods constantly, and they usually conflict each other in many ways. I have the drama with friends, excitement about the summer and a few other things, but most of it has to do with relationships/love. First off, I keep getting these 'looks' from this one guy, who I admit is cute, but is an ass... and then I feel like a keep flirting with this other kid, but I have no idea what’s really going on, and I’m not all that interested. There are a couple other little things going on too, but nothing big or realistic or even interesting... Oh, and the situation with IttyK seems to be getting worse... IDK.
I'm kinda having a relapse with John. (If you don’t know who john is, go back to my posts from the end of last year) We got really excited together over the Lady Gaga Telephone music video premier, and had a great time at the mall about a week ago. Then after healthcare passed we got into a great conversation about it and I hoped that he would realize how perfect we are for each other. Didn't happen. We don’t seem to get along all the time anyways, and he has his hook-up buddy, CJ.

So this brings me to my Prom plans. I am going to ask John. Probably Monday, and probably just as friends. I don’t expect him to say yes, and I don’t even necessarily want him to. I will offer, because he is my friend and he is a Junior and won’t be able to go unless he goes with a Senior. He may already be going with some other friends anyways, and in that case I will probably just go with my friends.
My whole motive to have him come would be to have the before party at my house and introduce him to my parents as my prom date... and come out to them that way. I will, of course need to run that by him first, but I don’t see him opposing to it. I don’t even care what he does once we get there, I just kinda want him for the before party with my parents.
There is probably about a 20% chance that it will all work out, but I will try. Otherwise I will wait and see what happens and not push anything.


  1. IDK, kid... Something sounds a little screwed up here- at least as far as your way of coming out to your parents... Is it just me, or are you asking John to the prom for completely selfish reasons?? It sounds like a mean thing to do, even if you 'run it by him first'. How would you feel if that was the only reason you were invited to a party- to be someone's fake date??

    Just my take on it... I wouldn't do it that way.... If you need the support of your friends, that's cool, but don't use them as props... someone might feel hurt, and I wouldn't blame him!!

    As for all your bird/animal friends; I have no idea how they interrelate and don't really have the time to go through your blog to last year, so I'll just say that in friendship, trust is paramount, and true friends don't lie to each other, except, occasionally, to spare someone's feelings... Even that should be rare.

    I do hope that you work things out, and you attend the prom, and have fun.... I never went to the prom, and always felt crushed that I was essentially excluded, unless I would pretend to be str8 and invite a girl.... Ahh... life! Well, you're growing up in a different age, and I'm happy for you!! luv, tman<3

  2. Another young blogger just came out to his parents with another person there. It did not go as planed and the parents blamed the other person. If you want to tell your folks I think that is up to you, but how would you react if some one told you possible world changing news that you may or may not like in front of other people so you couldn't react as you would like to. With other people there your folks will be thinking partly on them and not on what you say.

    Good luck, be well and happy.

  3. @ Scottie: thanks, but I believe it will be different with my parents. I spent much of my early childhood being raised, upon request of my parents, part time by our lesbian neighbors, who ended up adopting the title of god mothers. My parents have told me several times that they would be proud to have a gay son, and my orientation does not matter to them. Plus I doubt it will be surprising... I believe that since I have come out to friends that they have been suspecting it, and perhaps have even over heard us talking about it and are now just waiting for me to tell them. Having friends there would just help me keep calm and support me on an emotional level. Over all it will be a happy occasion.

    @ tman: I know to someone who doesn't know my exact relationship with John it may seem like that, but I intend to ask him as a real date first, and THEN ask him to, as a friend, be there for me during the coming out, regardless if he says yes or no. I would not use someone like that, and as I talked about in the paragraph previous to the part about prom, I still have feelings for John, even after accepting that we would never be 'together together.' Which is what happened in December after I had fallen for him. My whole part about “not wanting him to” is just me being scared, even if I have no reason to be. The way in which it may seem like I’m using him is just my compromising with him and his feelings, or lack thereof, for me, and to still, as friends, do what I would like him to in regards to coming out to the rents. I do not intend to use anyone.

  4. thanks for clearing that up for me, Anton! I'm glad my perception was wrong... I'm also happy to hear that your folks are more open-minded than mine... Do you know, that at age 84, my mother is still not ready to talk about my sexual orientation?? I mean, it's actually become quite hilarious!!! lol I made mention of the 'gay' thing the other day, and she quickly changed the topic of conversation!! OMG... lol I guess the time will never come, where she accepts me for who I am... Crazy, huh??

    Don't feel bad for me, tho, it's just the way she was brought up... She also has a problem with our president, although she plays the same cat and mouse game with that, because she knows how I have little use for that point of view...

    Such is life!! We must NEVER live in the past, it's just not healthy, and since you're just starting your life, I'm glad that things will be different for you!! luv, tman<3 hugs2