Saturday, April 10, 2010

The end of my known world...

Yeah, it’s a bit dramatic but that what’s gonna happen for me in about 4 months or so.

So like I said 2 posts ago “I have been thinking a lot about growing up and moving on with life and I have decided I don’t want to.” Here it is:

I don’t want to go to college. I’m so comfortable in high school and I may not be happy all the time, but I am content. I like how things are and I don’t want them to change. This is inevitable and is gonna happen far too soon. For me college means constant working on school work or for a job, not having much money or free time, and responsibility. I just see it stressing me out a lot.

After that I have to search out my career and compete with hundreds of other people for the job I will have for the rest of my life. I have to support myself completely and whatever family I find myself having. I’m not ready for college let alone a career.

In high school I have had financial freedom, social independence, a limited work load, the freedom to travel a lot during breaks and all that stuff. Yes I have made what I would consider some major mistakes that I would love to go back and redo, especially with the social aspects of it all, but I’d still take it over becoming an adult. I’m not ready. At all!

For me the future is so bleak. I am about as adorable as I will ever be and I have had really bad luck in the romance department. I’m scared I will never find that person I will love unconditionally and eternally. I’m scared I will fail regarding a job or having nice things, or being able to travel like I would like to. Even outside of a personal basis the future is scary. Our environment is going to hell, there are too many people and more importantly too many idiots. The future is so uncertain and I don’t see our global problems being fixed. I fear my personal world and the greater world are doomed to despair.
This doesn’t mean I won’t try to be happy or make things better, I just don’t suspect I will be successful.

So here I am at the end of all things. My comfort zone has crumbled and I am being forced into situations I’m not ready for. I’m pretty unsatisfied with my life up to this point and what the hell can I do about it? I know I seem pessimistic, but I will give it my best to be happy. This is just how I see things. I’m scared, I’m unhappy and I’m not ready. The best could very well be behind me which is sad cuz it hasn’t been that good, but it’s time to move on and deal with whatever is coming. Happiness is improbable, but I will seek it where ever I go, just as I have always done and I will continue to get those very limited results as always.


  1. bud,
    i had the same fears when i was graduating, i almost sabotaged myself, by failing a class, and almost not graduating.
    but looking back on it now, i am still young, and the fears that you speak of now, the ones that caused me so much grief, seem so useless. i found ways to look at things so differently that now, i don't fear almost anything. i mean, i am not worried about growing up anymore, it is going to happen, but i am worried about living while i grow up. there is only one way to become old and wise, and that is the path of the young and the stupid. we all make the journey, don't miss out on all the fun along the way.

  2. Hey bud pretty heavy message there.God we all have to grow upand get on with life . I understand that the financial side of things hold us back. Luckely here in the UK we can leave school at 16 we don't have to graduate or anything.I am lucky I have a half decent paying job but dont earn enough yet to be independentbut hopefully that will change soon and I can move into my own flat fingers crossed. Best advice I can give is take one day at a time and do the best you can
    Eddie xxx

  3. College is a blast!

    You want to meet that someone special? There's tons of them in college. We even had clubs and a fraternity.

    All the down sides you see in going to college will be multiplied many times if you chose to try to find financial freedom without a degree of some kind. The competition for employment is intense. Employers have the luxury of selecting whom they please. A college degree on your resume guarantees you a far greater chance of getting the job of your choice.

    The future is bright for you. I'd give anything to be your age again. Your possibilities are limitless.

    It's not at all uncommon for young men at this juncture of your life to be uncertain and a bit fearful. It will pass. Guaranteed!

    on your side

  4. It'll get better. Sometimes stuff seems dead difficult and complicated and its not really all that bad... I mean, like look at your other recent blogs, you were so happy. It's just stuff, you have to just see it through for a bit and it gets better at the end. Don't worry about the future, its really not worth your time :)

  5. Yea I felt the exact same way when I started college almost 2 years ago. But I really like it now. And I'm sure I'll feel that way again when I get close to finishing college. Then, I'm sure, Ill feel it again when I buy my first house. Then again if I get promotions. Then again when it's time to retire. And on and on. The point is, no matter how scary a juncture in life may seem at the time, one day when we are older we will consider these "the good ol' days" but the trick is to truly realize it NOW instead of one day wishing we could come back to today. The clock keeps ticking no matter what. A good friend I once had gave me that advice one day and it took some time to sink in, but it was great advice. I'm just paying it forward, although I can't make it sound as motivating as when my friend told it to me.

    Good luck,

  6. Anton, you are joining an elite group of like-minded worriers, maybe 5 million or so... Hell, even the adults that visit here have all these or similar worries!! Don't dwell on them!! One of the benefits of being your age, is that you are entitled to your mistakes, and that's how you learn... Going at life as a perfectionist, is futile!! It just changes too damn much!! You have to learn to go with the flow, and try to enjoy the unpredictable nature of it... That's where you will meet the guy that sweeps you off your feet!! You are only as young or as beautiful as you believe... If that's the only reason a guy likes you, he ain't worth it!! The guy that will love you for who you are, will be the one that finally steals your heart... If you're not out there, in the mix, he can't find you!! So, get out there and' burn the town down', as they say!! lol luv, tman<3

  7. Hey Anton we are about the same age and both going into college. I too am scared of all the things that you have mentioned but despite this the reward of finding someone special to spend your life with not to mention the new friends will make things better in life

    True their are too many idiots but for things to get better we need people out in the world to make things better. So step in the world.
    Who knows you may end up doing something great and change the world for the better

  8. Anton it's hard to add to some of the great advice that has been given. But I'd like to add you have only just started on the path of life - I'd like to think the best years of your life are on there way. Humans are so adaptable which is one of the reasons we have been such a successful species.
    Just take it all a day at a time and all the pieces will fall into place.
    Regards Stef