Monday, December 28, 2009

Confused

Hola!
So today was kinda dull again, saw a couple people and played a card game... nothing very fun. I spent a lot of time thinking about, well everything. Which is probably bad, but its what i do when I'm bored. I over think things a lot and try to analyze them and create scenarios in my head all the time, which all usually leads to me getting depressed about my life.

I am truly unsatisfied with my life. I made some huge mistakes in my past that i would love to change, i don't like where i live, there is the whole John thing, I'm SCARED to HELL about what the future has in store for me (and for everyone else too) and i have major issues about how i look and stuff, even though several people tell me I'm cute... There has been some other stuff that I've been thinking about too, but i wont list it all or i will be here all night.

On the other hand, i am also very happy. Coming out to most people has liberated me and this blog has given me a feeling of being appreciated. I also seem to be getting closer to a lot of my friends...

So pretty much i am an utterly miserable person while being happier then i have been in a long time, all at once! I have no idea what to think about it all... *sigh*

3 comments:

  1. Glad your blog is helping you out and good things have come of it, also that your friends are getting closer is something priceless, and don´t worry about the future, no one knows what it has in store for us, but with the company of the people that loves you -and I include myself in there- there´s nothing to fear about, I assure you.

    Maybe all you need is a good night sleep to get a better hold of your feelings, I´d recommend you to have some sweet dreams, things do look brighter in the morning, if you still feeling bad maybe it´s something you need to talk about, and I´m always there for everyone that needs it. Cuídate :)

    Love
    Me

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  2. Create a montra... "Relax, free your mind and float downstream" is a good one. Remember that the universe takes care of good people. Paint, draw, read, write, play your bass, take a walk, keep busy.

    Thinking too much leads to building monsters in your head. Things are getting better all the time... Choose to be happy.

    Cheers Tristan

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  3. Thanks guys! good advice, and i did have a better day. I got some sleep, took a deep breath and kept my mind occupied with other things.
    Going forward i will do my best to focus on the positive parts of my life, which is something i have had trouble doing in the past, but it has been a BIG time for changes for me and i can try make that one of them.
    ~Anton

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