Monday, December 28, 2009


So today was kinda dull again, saw a couple people and played a card game... nothing very fun. I spent a lot of time thinking about, well everything. Which is probably bad, but its what i do when I'm bored. I over think things a lot and try to analyze them and create scenarios in my head all the time, which all usually leads to me getting depressed about my life.

I am truly unsatisfied with my life. I made some huge mistakes in my past that i would love to change, i don't like where i live, there is the whole John thing, I'm SCARED to HELL about what the future has in store for me (and for everyone else too) and i have major issues about how i look and stuff, even though several people tell me I'm cute... There has been some other stuff that I've been thinking about too, but i wont list it all or i will be here all night.

On the other hand, i am also very happy. Coming out to most people has liberated me and this blog has given me a feeling of being appreciated. I also seem to be getting closer to a lot of my friends...

So pretty much i am an utterly miserable person while being happier then i have been in a long time, all at once! I have no idea what to think about it all... *sigh*


  1. Glad your blog is helping you out and good things have come of it, also that your friends are getting closer is something priceless, and don´t worry about the future, no one knows what it has in store for us, but with the company of the people that loves you -and I include myself in there- there´s nothing to fear about, I assure you.

    Maybe all you need is a good night sleep to get a better hold of your feelings, I´d recommend you to have some sweet dreams, things do look brighter in the morning, if you still feeling bad maybe it´s something you need to talk about, and I´m always there for everyone that needs it. Cuídate :)


  2. Create a montra... "Relax, free your mind and float downstream" is a good one. Remember that the universe takes care of good people. Paint, draw, read, write, play your bass, take a walk, keep busy.

    Thinking too much leads to building monsters in your head. Things are getting better all the time... Choose to be happy.

    Cheers Tristan

  3. Thanks guys! good advice, and i did have a better day. I got some sleep, took a deep breath and kept my mind occupied with other things.
    Going forward i will do my best to focus on the positive parts of my life, which is something i have had trouble doing in the past, but it has been a BIG time for changes for me and i can try make that one of them.