Monday, December 27, 2010


Hello! so I am leaving tomorrow for Utah and I will be gone for 2 weeks. I dont know if I will post at all during that time, but I might. I have stuff set to post itself on my tumblr though.
Yesterday was nice I suppose. We went to a nice restaurant and the Bodies Exhibit for my dads birthday. Today is his actual birthday and he is currently spending it in the waiting room while my mother gets ankle surgery. 9this her like, 13th joint surgery. I went to lunch with my friend and later I am gonna go babysit my friends while they try shrooms. I'm pretty much done backing at this point, but like usual, I know there are like 5 things I'm forgetting.
Anyways, if I don't post for a while, everyone have a good New Years!!!!

Friday, December 24, 2010

T'was the night before x-mas...

hey :)
So I leave for Utah in days! I'm excited. I need a break from my life here... being in one place continually for more than a couple months doesn't really suit me.

I have been so exhausted lately and I haven't been able to get to sleep till like 3 so I end up getting up at 11 at the earliest. i hate it! I have also been feeling alone today. i want someone to just spend the whole day with but none of my friends are really what I'm looking for. I kinda want someone new.

I got all my christmas shopping done the other day and spent way more than I would have liked, but I guess I will live.

I don't plan on doing much for christmas besides lunch with my family and maybe seeing a friend or two. And Im not gonna really be grtting anything cuz I got my phone earlier. The 26th i think I'm spending the day with my parents in celebration of my dads birthday. The 27th my mom is getting ankle surgery and that will be fun. I have plans to have lunch with my friend during that, cuz I think both of need someone to talk to. My other friends are trying shrooms that day. If it wasnt for my mom getting surgery, my fear of alienating certain people I really care about and me leaving the day after for Utah, I would probably try 1/2 an ounce or so with them. But I have decided I wont. I have always been curious about them though. Even my mom recommended them. Then the 28th I am leaving and my grandma is getting in to take care of my mom. I am so happy I will totally miss her both here and in Utah.

Last night I went to see the lights at the botanical gardens with my friends. It was really beautiful!!! Today I feel like being alone. Well, not really. But given what options for people that I do have to be with, I would choose being alone.

I am hopefully read a lot over my trip to Utah. I have a lot to do there and not enough time!
Anyways, imma go on a walk now... ttyl!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Advice from the Other Side

So I have been up to quite a lot since my last post. Finals are 100% done, although I still have an essay to write. I really doubt my ability to write it though because I have a good grade in the class already and it seems like a lot of work that i reeeeally dont wanna do for 5%-10% of my whole grade. so far i know i got an 86% in one class and a 96% in another, so I am doing fine.

Me and a couple of my friends had an end of the semester party friday and it was really good cuz it was just me and a couple that im really close to. The morning after we woke up to a beautiful rain storm. We went down town and we all had a session with a psychic. As far as they go, she was very good. I dont particularly believe in it and she missed a lot of really big things, she had lots of good advice. She identified the majority of my pain and misery as my parents, she knew the best years of my life where i could truly express my creativity and skills was from 7 and back (when I was in Salt Lake City), she knew I liked history and anthropology and social sciences, she knew when i wasn't believing her and a whole bunch of other things she shouldn't have know. Also, she was like waiting for us when we went up and its almost like she was expecting us.
She told me that I need to find a better place for healing cuz I am so damaged and that I need to not be so hard on myself and I should stop telling myself I am not deserving. She said I need to stop trying to live up to peoples standards cuz that will really hurt me and that I need ways to express my creativity and skills that I have become dissociated with. When I asked her about love/romance she said I need to stop trying so hard, stop looking, and learn to love myself more first. She also said that she could clearly see one of the people I am in love with as if he was sitting next to me... and he was. Jordan was there, it was kinda awkward, but i dont think he noticed anything odd. She said my "twin flame" is current walking the earth and to not give up.
So then both Jordan and our other friend went, but for our other friend, Jordan and I went to go get coffee at the biggest hipster coffee shop in Albuquerque. By then the rain was turning to snow, which was super exciting! I plan on seeing her again, probably alone, before school starts.

After we got done with that we went to this cool metaphysical store I have been to once before and then back to Jordans. Up where we live there was much more snow, so we got all our snow gear on and went out to the golf course to play. We rolled these giant snow balls that were 3-4 feet in diameter and weighed well over 100 pounds. With them we made a fantastic, but incomplete snow fort. After that, we went sledding on some of the hills. Over all, it was a pretty amazingly fantastic day.

Yesterday I had a snow ball fight with Luis, who I saw earlier in the week too. I like being able to see him occasionally again. That evening I got together with several of my friends, most of whom live out of town or I just dont see often. We went to go see the Black Swan. It was a great movie!!!

Umm... thats about all I can think of. Oh yeah, DADT was repealed. I'm one of those few gays who didnt mind it cuz I really dont wanna be in the military ever, but yay for those who do care! I was so much more pissed that the Bush tax cuts got extended 2 years or that the dream act is going down than happy about this. Obama is a spineless failure of a president and the Senate leadership sucks and the democrats are just getting thrown around by the republicans. Its such bullshit, but whatever...
I know im missing stuff in there, and could think of more to say if my mind wasnt so foggy from allergies.
Have a good day!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


Hey! so today is my 1 year anni. on blogger and it is also the 1 year anniversary of my most amazing and perfect dog passing away.

Today was my BIG day for finals. Now I only have one left tomorrow and an essay to write and I will be DONE for a whole month! I go t like 2 hours of sleep last night so I took a concerta to get me through the day, but mostly it made me dizzy and nauseous. But I am fairly certain I will pass all my classes and keep my scholarship.

My grandmother friend requested me on facebook today. It kinda took me off guard, but my mother forbade me to add her because of all the profanity i use and all my gay stuff (my grandma is mormon). Also my god mother it thinking about moving for the 2nd time in 3 years, but I doubt she will go through with it. so always goes through odd phases. But if she does it wont be more than 20 or so miles. She really gets on my nerves a lot, which i feel guilty for because I owe most of the good stuff in my life to her, but ever since her partner died she hasn't been the same.

I have some money again! I got $100 from my parents for Mickolosh, which i am sure is spelled wrong, but it is the Czech christmas basically, and we celebrate it in the forst week or two of December because I am seldom home for actual Christmas, and then I have also been selling back my text books to UNM. I am gonna try to keep up my no spending streak though.

I am really thinking about applying for a billion scholarships and grants for next year or the year after and going to a school in New England for a semester or a year. probably Boston University, because I have connections there thanks to the NSLC and it is a good school.

I have reestablished contact with all 4 of my friends that i have been growing distant with, although i dont see any of them being what they were. I also made some new friends! Both were from this online website, Stickam. One is this really cool druggie kid who is one of the most interesting people i have ever met and he is really sweet and actually smart. The other is this younger kid who just seems to be totally lost with life and is having problems, so I am just kinda there as a distraction. Im kinda lost myself while my BFF is in Brazil... but I could be worse.

So that about all the news.

I want to thank all of you for helping me out so much over the past year and I am really proud to have 87 followers!!! And of course all my phantom readers. I plan on being here at this tome next year. I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

And dont forget about my tumblr and formspring links on the side!!! I need tumlbr followers and I love having questions on my formspring. And comments are always welcome on here!!! Haha, im done advertising myself now. :)

Im memoriam:

1995-Dec 14, 2009.
Shasta, the dog I will forever and always love above all others. I miss you baby!!! :'(
Haha, writing that ^ made me cry.

Thursday, December 9, 2010



So things have been quite hectic with the semester wrapping up. I finished one class today and I have 3 finals next week along with a portfolio to put together and an essay to write and a bunch of data analysis. I will be very happy when it is all over! But I have a month long break to look forward to. Today at school I got into an argument with some dumb fuck Jehovah's Witnesses about evolution and being gay. I took some of their coffee and disproved like all of their points and had a damn good time doing it.

I went ahead with the bringing my friend some booze thing and it went well. We had a nice day together and she really enjoyed it. I'm not sure what her plans with her BF are at this point. The same day my other friend from my normal group that my stupid friend gave up for her BF asked us both to come and help her with a test. It was the 1st time we have all been together since August. It was kinda awkward but nice at the same time. I dont know what the future holds in that respect.

Yesterday I was planning on hanging out with Jordan but he decided to go on a date with this one guy later in the day, and then had the nerve to text me about how great he was which was fucking annoying. i am debating if I plan on spending any time with him and my other friends this weekend. So after that let down I went to the queer straight alliance at UNM which was fucking boring cuz there are now only like 30 or so people that go now, compared to the 100+ at the beginning of the semester and all the ones left are so god damn annoying!!! But I didnt wanna go home and I though I might find someone of interest, but no such luck There was a white elephant gift exchange though. I got a Princess sash, 5 condoms and some yummy chocolate. They also had elections, so hopefully now there will be some better stuff going on at the meetings.

I TALKED TO LUIS FOR LIKE 2 WHOLE MINUTES TODAY! haha, its been since August since I talked to him... He is still quite adorable, but I need to hang out with him some more... bleh.

i have decided I am going to ask this kid I met on connexion who lives in Utah on a date while I am there this break. I totally expect him to say no, but just asking is a step for me.

Thats about it.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Reoccurring Insanity

A week and a half until finals. I dont know where this first semester of college went. I have a lot to do before it is over.

The bulk of the week was relatively uneventful. Early on I got an Android smart phone and I love it. Thursday there was a cool local business-craft fair thing at UNM and I got a really really cool necklace thingy. I decided that besides food and christmas presents I am not allowing myself to buy anything else till a make at least $200, from either my christmas money or from the job I intend on getting in spring.

Yesterday we had a mud hut party though. I haden't been drunk in almost 5 weeks, so i enjoyed drinking a bit. I tried a little spice in addition to the booze and the effect was amazing! Jordan came over about 4 or 5 hours before everyone else and I helped give him a Mohawk. Then we went down to Central (main street Albuquerque) and went to the Flying Star (best restaurants in New Mexico). He also invited this one guy he was supposed to go on a date with to meet us there which kinda annoyed me, but I also wanted to meet him, but he didn't come. There was also a cute waiter there and Jordan almost asked for his number, but I convinced him not to by pointing out all of his flaws so Jordan lost interest... cuz I'm awesome like that!

We then went to Urban Outfitters and ran into Jordan's adorable little hipster-indie lesbian friend and hung out with her for an hour or so... she was really awesome! Jordan annoyed my by referring to me as his date twice while we were with her... He was definitely taunting me with what I cant have, Then we waited around for Jordan's ex-best friends douchey boyfriend to get off work so we could buy ADHD meds from him that are a miracle for studying and paying attention. Then we headed back to my house and met up with our other friends.

I need to get my wisdom teeth out soon too. I'm like a yearish late getting around to it and my piece of shit mom was supposed to get me into the dentist for a consult in november, but that didnt happen and now i wont have time between now and when I go to Utah.

My sleep pattern has been really fucked up lately. I have been alternating between sleeping 3-4 hours and then sleeping 11-12 hours. I HATE it! I have also been having lots of bad dreams. There was that one about my dad drinking again, then there was one where Jordan fell in love with me and I was happy... until I woke up. And then there was an odd one where Kyle (you may remember him as a friend my group had in the spring) came back into the group. I also have been feeling really really fat lately, and I cant think of any healthy ways to solve this problem that I have the motivation for....

I have almost seen Luis a couple times this past week, but I have yet to hang out with him. IDK if I like him or Jordan more, all I know is I dont have a chance with either of them, and Im thankful I'm not as obsessed with them as I was with John. I want them equally as bad though.

I am planning on giving some alcohol to my friend who left the group because she didnt wanna do 'bad things' anymore. Since her boyfriend made her decide that she has been absolutely miserable cuz she has no friends and she wants to smoke and drink again. Not only did her emotionally abusive boy friend make her give up things she likes, but he continues to chew tobacco. So I have decided im going to get her just slightly buzzed, then she will tell her BF and he will get all pissy and hopefully it will expedite their imminent break up. I want him to lose the thing that means most to him cuz he is such an ass, she deserves to be totally alone for what she did to all of us. Then hopefully in a month or so we can maybe even accept her back into the group cautiously, but without the source of her corruption, she could maybe be our friend again. Yes, I am aware I'm an awful selfish person.

So I guess thats about all it.
Loves yas