Sunday, July 25, 2010

Nostalgia sucks. It (by definition) reminds me of times when I was happier. When things seemed so much better for me, and I didn't have so much shit to worry about. Its really bitter sweet. The 24th of July in Utah is one of the most powerful days of nostalgia for me. I have never been out of this state for that Holiday, and for the past several years I have had a tradition with my friends (IttyK and her sister) of running around like idiots on that particular day.
In Utah, the 24th of July is 'Pioneer Day' which is just to Mormon name for the day they got their statehood. Anyways, there are spectacular fireworks, much better than the 4th of July, and one of the sites they have always shot them off at is just like 3 blocks from where I grew up. So I usually go up that way and meet my friends (this year it was Just IttyK's sister) and we have a good time at the fireworks show. It was so packed this year! I either never noticed it before, or it was a weekend day or something, but it was really cool.

My best friend left for Sweden a few days ago and I'm going INSANE without her. I usually text her from when I wake up to when I go to bed, and she doesn't have texting over seas so I'm not really sure what I'm going with myself and I'm not sure how well I will handle being home without her for a couple weeks. But we did have a fun day together before she left.

I'm kinda excited to go home cuz I really miss my friends there. I'm sure I'm going to party it up a little bit before 2 of them move down south for college. But I also really don't want to cuz of the whole parents thing. My mom was in the hospital again for conflicting medications, and they tried to keep that little incident from me, but one of my neighbors asked me on Facebook is she was alright, and I told her I had no idea what she was taling about. But my dad says "every things returning to normal quickly" and my mother has been painting the house... so I guess that's a good sign. Apparently a lot of what I wrote to her had a negative impact on her, which is good because hopefully its the wake up call she needs... or at least it should hold till I move out, probably next year.

I have been seeing a lot of other people I've known for a long time, and it has been really nice.

Tomorrow my uncle is taking me down to Provo (Mormon central) and were having a family barbecue up Provo Canyon and taking a moonlight ride on the lifts at Sundance, which should be beautiful. Then I'll sleep at his house and in the morning we'll hike Stuart Falls and then float on tubes down the Provo River. I'm pretty excited for all of it except the float... and my family. They are way to Mormon-y for my tastes and would disown me if the knew I was gay. I loath being around them or and even worse, being around them in Provo. I can handle the number of Mormons in Salt Lake just fine... but most of the rest of Utah... not so great. But my grandparents are down south and I actually like the Uncle I'll be with most the time quite a lot. Its the rest of the family that I really want to disappear from existence.

I go back home on the 2nd... so I only have about a week left here, which does make me sad. But I think I'll be okay going home cuz never before have I had such close friends there.

Love you all

Oh, and here is another one of my poems I wrote when I was bored, Its happier than the last, but I still don't think its very good. Haha, anyways, here's Jumping Off the Moon:

Higher than Heaven itself.
A cold rock, not unlike my home,
but absent of its trees and beauty.

I look down on the planet where IO was born.
I can almost see my house; my friends.
But I am stuck, on this cold rock, so very far away.

I take a breath; a breath lacking the nourishment of oxygen.
My feet push me off, and I soar through space.
Rocks and satellites fly by my Head, but I can already hear the crashing waves.

The atmospheric gasses are set ablaze around me,
Through layer upon layer of cool, misty clouds I fall.
Birds fly by, singing their songs of welcome.

The wind gently brushes the trees, as the rocks guard the secrets of Earth.
A rabbit pokes its head out of its hole and a dear grazes in a meadow.
My feet touch the ground, and I am home.


  1. Nostalgia is a great part of the Tourist Industry but it can be seriously bad news for individual people. It often seems that there were some sort of Golden Times when everything was sweetness and light.


  2. i love you, don't miss me too much.


    I like the poem, dear.

  4. Hey Anton... nice to hear from you!! I guess you're really busy with all the activities that you described, and that's great!! I hope that your family can come around some day... they seem stuck in the past, reminding me of the fear that I grew up with... Well, you have to look out for yourself, if that's the case- your safety and well being are paramount until you get through school and are on your own...
    I love your poem, Anton... very nice, very visual and passionate!! I know it took a lot of work!! Thank you for sharing it with us!! luv, tman<3