Back in New Mexico

Hello!
So I have been home for a few days now. I haven't been having the social life I would have liked to come back to, but that is alright. I really considered this being the 'last post' but I think I will wait a while longer.

Utah was a lot of fun, I kept busy and saw a lot of people. Pride was probably the best part. I made out with a cute boy to piss off some protesters and it was just overall a good day, besides my sunburn. I also hooked up with a fairly cute guy up there. I had my birthday while I was up there (thank you Alan for the birthday wish) and I got like $300 worth of clothes and $500 cash, which I have no complaints about. It was the best birthday I have had in at least 3 years though. It may not have been the best visit up there, but I enjoyed myself.

Things at home are alright. My parents are both sober, for now. I expect that to change soon though, just cuz of my pessimistic nature. My dads company is being sold and there is a good chance he will lose his job within a year, which will set him off. Also, money is generally just really tight with my parents now. They are strugling with some of the bills. I don't know what the fuck they do with our money, cuz we should have more based on their incomes and our lifestyle. oh well... I have started paying for more of my own stuff to help them out. I am going to start looking for a job in early July, so I can become even more financially independent.

~If~ they start drinking again, I am not gonna deal with it this time. My plan is as follows:
-Withdraw all the money from my bank accounts, including the joint one I have with my mom.
-Pack up ALL of my stuff I can fit into my car, take it to a friends, and live with them until the end of the semester, and pay a couple hundred dollars rent to help them.
-Finish whatever semester I am in, and drop out of UNM.
-Drive myslef and all my shit to Utah, and move in with my godmother.
-Take a year off of school to work and save money.
-Enroll at the University of Utah, get an apartment and start my life and never speak to my parents again.

I am done fighting them, and this is what I am going to do if they are gonna start pulling dumb shit again.

One of my other big stress factors at the moment is the fact that my cars transmission might be dying. I'm not sure, and it is still running, but idk what the hell I am gong to do if I need a new car. ugh.

I have been somewhat more suicidal than I have been in about 6 years for the past several weeks. No worries, I wont do anything, but things just see much more bleak and pointless and nothing matters as much as it used to, not that it did much in the 1st place. If I had the money I would consider therapy, but that isnt gonna happen, so I will stick with my self medication.

The next couple weeks are probably going to be pretty crazy. I plan on partying a lot and maybe trying some new stuff. I have good self control, so no need to worry about me. I am just gonna enjoy my summer and thats that. Warped Tour is in a little over a week, and that will be my big event for the summer. It should be lots of fun.

I will probably be concluding this blog in a month or so when things look more stable, and I can leave you with closure with the parent drama and such.
Love you all
~Anton

Starting to shut down

Hey!
So I am on sumer break and I am pretty happy about it. I have been having lost of fun with my friends. I ended up going to Las Cruces 2 weekends ago... it was a crazy weekend and loads of fun. I kinda ended up cheating on my BF, but all my judgment was long gone by that point. I think I am going to break up with him tomorrow anyways. I am not really looking forward to doing it, but I just feel like its best I do before I go to Utah. I am leaving in 6 days.
I got hip tattoos! The right hip is a sun and the left is a moon. I tried uploading pictures on here, but it didnt work. :( I cant wait to get more done.
I am probably gonna be deleting sometime in the next few weeks. I have lost most of my interest in blogger, and it seems more of a chore than a hobby. It really helped me for the 1st year that I had it though. But I am hardly posting once a month these days anyways...
I will probably have a couple more posts though in the next couple weeks.
~Anton

Ending Freshman Year

Hello!
Nothing too exciting has happened here lately, so thats why I havent posted in a couple weeks. School has been alright, we have finals in 2 weeks, so I am kinda stressed about that, but I think I will do alright in everything. Also, I got my classes for next semester. I am taking U.S. History up till 1877, Public Speaking, American Politics and Evolution and Human Emergence. So I am pretty excited about that.
I got my Warped Tour ticket, and I can't wait for that. It should be lots of fun! I also got my plane tickets for my summer trip to Utah I will be there May 24th to June 14th. So I will be having my birthday there, so hopefully that will be fun. I will also be there for one of my friends graduation. Then I will get back here, probably party hard for 2 weeks here, go to Las Cruces for a week or so for warped tour and party double hard there and then get serious about getting a job in July and tone down the partying and such.
Um... I've been kinda depressed for the past week or so. Nothing too major, I have just felt like shit. I am gonna spend the day with my boyfriend today, so hopefully that will cheer me up. I do think I will end it with him the week or so before I go to Utah though. He is sweet, but we just arent compatible and I kinda wanna be single over the summer anyways. I think it will be harder than I am expecting to end it with him, but I feel like if I dont just tell him I will end up cheating, telling him and then having a much nastier break up. I wanna end it on good terms.
I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna dye my hair purple before I go to Utah, and I will probably keep it like that for a month or so before I go back to blond.
I have kept up with working out 3 or 4 times a week for the mot part. its nothing too serious, but I definitely wanna lose 10 pounds or so.
Well, thats about it.
<3
~Anton

Warped

Hello :)
Things have been going pretty well for the most part lately.

The whole Jordan issue thing is definitely behind me. I have been hanging out with him a lot recently, more than anyone else actually. Its felt good to have one of my best friends back, especially as I grow further and further apart from some of my other friends.

School is also going pretty well. My grads are still kinda slipping, just cuz I'm in the last month or so, but I'm still gonna get all A's and B's. I have a lot of studying to do for my tests this week, but I will get around to that this evening.

I have been talking a lot to this really cute boy who lives in New York. He makes me happy and is one of the like 3 people I would get into a long distance relationship with. But I do have my boyfriend, so that doesnt really matter. Bobby has been annoying me a bit lately though. He is just too indecisive. But he slept over the other night, which was fun. I like him a lot when we are both intoxicated. haha :)I will probably break it off in a month or so. I wanna be single over the summer I think.

I have been listening to a lot of punk and post-hardcore type music lately, and I just found out that Warped Tour is coming to Las Cruces this year. Warped is basically a big concert with a whole bunch of those types of bands. My aunt said she will buy my ticket for me, which Is awesome cuz I am pretty broke. So as long as I can get at least one other of my friends to commit to going, and like 5 of them want to, I will have her get my ticket. I am so excited!!!!

So that is Junt 29th, so I will probably try to go to Utah for 3 weeks at the end of may/beginning of June and spend my birthday there. Then I will get back in time to start looking for a job. If I dont have one by the beginning of July, I will start trying really herd and look at places I would much less prefer. But I kinda wanna wait till I get done with my summer travels. I am really broke though, I think I will have to take some money out of my savings account to get me through till I get my birthday money.

I am also playing with the idea of deactivating my blogger. I probably wont for several months. I probably will once my tumblr has more followers than this does. I just enjoy tumblr more, and I can post rants on there too. I just don't feel dedicated enough to blogger to keep it up. But Idk, I am just thinking about possibilities. I will be here for a few more months at least.

<3
~Anton

Peace and Parties

Hello!
I just thought I would post a little update.

So the other night Jordan came over and we hung out for a few hours. 1st thing he dis was apologize for being a douche bag for the past 3 weeks or so. It was pretty much everything I wanted to hear from him. He even talked about what a hypocrite he was and it was just really nice. So peace has been made and things are returning to normal.

Last night my friends came over and drank. It was their first time meeting Bobby. I was kinda anxious, but everyone liked each other and it was really comfortable. I thank alcohol for easing the awkwardness. But the whole night was fun. A lot of fun. haha

Oh, and this one really cute boy i only kind of know from macroeconomics apparently got my number from jordan a couple days ago. He is really annoying, but really cute. He hasn't texted me yet though, but just the knowledge that he asked made me feel good.

He is always at these parties that happen every friday, so I am kinda wanting to go to the one tonight, but that depends on if anyone else wants to. I am gonna try to get Bobby to sleep over again tomorrow night. He is really nice to be with. haha

Thats about it for now!
Byeeee
~Anton

P.S....

just in the hour or so since my last post down below, I REACHED 100 FOLLOWERS!!!!! :D
Than you all so much! I love each of you and you all mean a lot to me. Thanks!!!!

Life goes on

Hey!
Well, not a ton has been going on in my live. It seems like I am kinda reverting to my antisocial, friendless existence that I used to have. Well, not really. I just haven't been seeing really any of my friends in ages. They have their own things going on or whatever... It feels like all my relationships are kinda falling apart except for a few.
The most angering is definitely the situation with Jordan. I may have talked about this before, but basically he ditched us all, except Sonia, for his boyfriend, who he just started seeing and who is moving very soon. I wouldn't have a problem if they had been in a long relationship with him, but he rushed into this thing that is obviously gonna hurt him in the end, so I have no remorse for him. He is choosing to hurt himself. The REAL issue is that he was the one who lead our efforts to kick Brittany out of the group after she chose her scum bag boyfriend over us. Jordan is just being a fucking hypocrite.
I would never leave my friends for a boy. I will always honor plans I have already made with my friends and I would never stop hanging out with them for anyone. I balance friends and romance and I don't get why other people cant fucking do that and they have to throw something good away.
Anyways, he has been all offended that we felt hurt about his betrayal and things have been pretty tense between him/Sonia and me/Sam, with Steph in the middle. I have seem him once in the past 2 1/2 weeks and that wasn't the most pleasant experience, but it was okay. And then today I saw him leaving and he gave me the coldest little wave he could. So Idk, I guess that friendship might be over, which sucks, but I guess he might come around. whatever.

Anyways, things are going okay with my boyfriend. He is sweet and treats me well and makes me happy. I don't particularly like him a TON, but we have some good times. I think the major reason I settled for him is that 1) he is cute 2) My social life is going to hell and I need someone new in my life that I can rely on seeing and 3) I kinda want a relationship, and he was there. Overall I am grateful I am in the relationship, but I also dont plan on it lasting more than a few months. Who knows, its the best thing I have going for myself at the moment. Most other aspects of my life are kinda bleh.

I am trying really hard to get all A's this semester, but I have so little motivation to study these days. I know I wont get worse than a B in any class, but A's would be nice.

So thats it for now.
ttyl!
<3
~Anotn